Amazing Race
Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 552 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
We Open in Venice

At the hill, Monica and Sheree are ready to go. AAAAAAAAAH! Their screams, like their clothes, are well-coordinated. They also execute the double-axel, only they do it holding hands to grab an added tenth of a point for the level of difficulty. They'll still probably have to share the medal with the Canadians.

As AirSteve and Dave approach the hill, they spot all the lights and stuff and Dave comments, "This is too cool." I appreciate the moxie, but still worry about the joints. If you're quiet, you can hear their bones creaking.

1:16 AM. Kelly and Jon share a little smooch on the mat, and then they open the clue. It sounds like he wants to walk to the hill, but she wants a cab. In an interview, she says that now that they're engaged, she wants to reassure him that their married life will be just as exciting as his "bachelorhood." She pronounces "bachelorhood" with exaggerated wacky hand gestures that make clear her precise feelings about the concept of worshiping "bachelorhood" as if it were distinguished primarily by great independence and excitement, rather than by the freedom to use the same towel for a year and a half. Jon, meanwhile, says that Kelly is "really blossoming" on the race, which is a perfectly lovely thing to say. Appropriate, too, provided that she's his twelve-year-old granddaughter.

AirSteve and Dave. At the top of the hill, they root for gravity to take over. No, they do. Like this: "Gravity! Gravity! Gravity!" Heh. You've got to go with your natural allies, after all. AAAAAAAAAH! They forego the double-axel, and then at the bottom of the hill, they plan to wait for the next team to show up and snag that team's cab to the train station. Risky, because if there's one thing that several seasons of reality shows will teach you, it's that you should never bet against how stupid other people can be.

Speaking of which, here come Jon and Kelly, hopping out of their cab. "Where's the top of the hill at?" Kelly asks, drawing a cringe from her seventh-grade English teacher. When their taxi is gone, Jon realizes that they've been dropped off at the top of the hill rather than the bottom, meaning that they're out of position to grab the raft van, which the clue told them they had to do. Stuck at the top of the hill rather than the bottom, Jon and Kelly consider their options. The twangy guitar music barely skitters through the narrow no-man's-land between copyrights controlled by Gary Glitter on one side and Booker T. and the MGs on the other. Jon sees only one thing they can do, so he -- still wearing his pack -- backs up a few feet, gets a running start, and heads down the hill on his ass. Just like the sledding, except that there's no sled.

Amazing Race

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