Amazing Race
It Doesn't Say Anything About First Come, First Served. And We're Bigger.

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
We Open in Venice

Previously on Dolomite-y Mighty Bossy-tones: Twenty-four people hauled ass out of Dodger Stadium like their hair was on fire. The Acquisition of Enemies stopwatch clocked Josh and Steve at 0.0002 seconds after they advanced future arthroscopic surgery spokesmodels Steve and Dave at the expense of Monica and Sheree (who were legitimately screwed out of a good flight) and Chip and Reichen (who fumed prettily, despite being in fact completely unaffected). The snowy mountains of Italy made obscene gestures in the direction of Dave's knee, Jaree's lungs, and almost all of Debra and Steve. Amanda would like to know what the fuck your problem is. A thoroughly weenie tie ("like kissing your sister," as they say in sports) between Millie and Chuck, Steve and Josh, and Amanda and Chris undoubtedly resulted in a lot of unhappy guys in suits somewhere who had to give out three first-place vacation prizes. Power to the people! In the end, Debra and Steve faced Philimination, and we could only hope that, this time, "hitting the road" would remain a figurative concept. Now Phil can only wonder, "Who will be eliminated..." During this lengthy and suspenseful pause, Blair Hornstine continues work on her valedictory speech, which contains portions of the Gettysburg Address, the Magna Carta, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, and the instructions from a 1986 Sunbeam toaster. "...tonight?"

Credits. This week's Fun Fact You Can Learn From Zaprudering The Credits With The Assistance Of TiVo: It appears that Jaree may very well bonk herself in the forehead with a bullet casing.

Commercials. The fact that Hugh Jackman is both Broadway Guy and Wolverine is, I think, proof positive that we are meant to live out a long and happy life together. He sings show tunes and he is emotionally unavailable and misunderstood? Where has he been all my life?

Drunken helicopter pilots escort the cameramen on a stomach-churning speed tour of the Dolomites, which Phil explains are located in northern Italy, right up at the part of the boot that never fits unless you have calves like Ashley Judd. At the bottom of the mountain, we pull up next to the Hotel Lajadira, which served as our first pit stop and looks like it might well be made of gingerbread. Phil has hung on to the brown suede jacket from the last episode, and I have to say I hope we're in for a long stretch of cold climates, because that jacket is the big yum. Makes a girl think about naughty behavior and roasted marshmallows. ["It was a little too McCloud for me, but to each her own." -- Wing Chun] As Phil explains, teams had the opportunity at the pit stop to -- you guessed it -- Eat, Sleep, and Mingle with the other teams. We see Josh reading, which I find sort of surprising unless it's a comic book or something else with a lot of big print and pictures. Phil wonders whether the Sister-Kissing Alliance will continue, and whether Tian and Jaree can stop bickering long enough to get out of last place.

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Amazing Race

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