Amazing Race
It Turned Ugly Just Now

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Tango and Cash

Karli works on walking the dogs. She starts out all chirpy-nice, but like Alison, she soon gets tied up in the leashes. When her feet are thoroughly tied up and the dogs keep going, she tips over and lands with her hands in the dirt, and then one of the dog helpfully licks her on the ear. Hee. It's not up there with the donkey dumping Heather on her face, but the animals do know how to deliver a smackdown to people who need one. From now on, of course, you'll be able to tell the twins apart, because Karli will be the one with the teeming parasites. She asks if Kami is sure they know where they're going, and Kami says that she doesn't.

Marshall and Lance Tango successfully.

Alison and Donny and their dogs are still lost. She orders him to stop and read the map. She demands to know why he's not finding where they should be. She tells him to ask someone for help. One of the dogs Alison is leading starts humping another one, and Alison says, humorlessly and with great exasperation, "Mine keep having sex." Ironically, I think Big Brother producers have angled for years for the ability to make precisely that complaint about their charges, but unfortunately for them, the houseguests are usually not quite as appealing as these particular dogs. Alison further gripes that they haven't even passed any of the checkpoints. "You know what?" she says angrily. "We're done!"

Commercials. I can't speak for anyone else, but if you're in the middle of romancing me on the top of a building and you unveil a plastic container of yogurt, it's over.

Donny tells Alison that he thinks they have no choice but to quit and switch Detours, going for the Tango instead. Linda and Karen agree. "We're going to do the other stuff," Linda says. "This is way too hard." Hmm. This kind of difficulty with a fairly fundamental race task -- navigating city streets with a map where there are locals available to provide assistance -- does not bode well for them, as far as I'm concerned. They don't seem to be quitting because of the dogs, but because they can't follow the map, and they're going to have to do basically the same thing sooner or later over the course of the thing, probably a number of times. "Eschew map-reading" is not sound race strategy.

Kami/Karli, however, stop a guy and ask him if he has twenty minutes to spare. Kami asks if he can at least get them to the first checkpoint, and he agrees. They take off walking, and before you know it, they're there. Among other things, when they reach the first checkpoint, one of their rewards is a card with some commands on it to help them manage the dogs. That's an interesting thought. I wonder if one of them was, "Stop having sex."

Back at the cemetery, Alison and Donny and Linda and Karen return their dogs and leave to do the Tango. In their cab, Alison snots that if she sees a checkpoint from the car, she'll "flip out." "It's nothing new, and you don't scare me," Donny says. "You're so ignorant," she spits. "You're an embarrassment, you really are," he returns. "God, fuck you, you're a loser," she says. "You are, you're an embarrassment," he repeats. That is so romantic. I hope someday to have a fucking loser of my very own.

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Amazing Race

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