Amazing Race
It Turned Ugly Just Now

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Tango and Cash

1:05 AM. Bob and Joyce share a little smooch on the mat, and then he tears open the clue. Bob says that the "older folks" are doing fine, and he looks forward to proving to the other teams that he and Joyce are "stronger than [they] look." In an interview, he deadpans, "Joyce, show 'em your muscles. I mean, this lady has guns." She giggles and makes a bicep, which she doesn't display long enough to allow for it to be adequately evaluated, but it was still really cute when he said it. I kind of like them. I like that there's a lot of laughing.

1:08 AM. Charla and Mirna. "We're going to go dance, honey, let's go, [Phyllis]," says Mirna. Mirna interviews that the other teams thought they were "the most naïve and weakest people here," and that she likes that, because they "love to surprise people." Yet another team that enjoys being underestimated. There's a lot of that going around. I am most definitely not feeling Charla's animal-print shirt, and I still say Mirna is packing hot rollers. If you melted them down and made them into one person, you'd get Sheena, Queen of the Nail Salon.

1:13 AM. Nicole and Brandon. Unfortunately for Nicole, very few people look good in lime green, and she is not among that select group. She goes on to voice over in a strange and suspiciously hair-splitting manner that she's certain that Brandon is "the type of guy" she wants to marry, but she's not sure he's "that exact person." Heh. "I want to marry a guy kind of like that, but maybe, you know, not that guy." That's gotta hurt. Everyone's done it, though -- "I'd like this guy's virtues in a husband, but the hair gives me pause."

Charla and Mirna, after Mirna gets over the fact that the car requires her to "change gears or something," quickly find themselves staring down the same desolate Fence of Disorientation that the Brothers Pepperoni faced down earlier. Brandon and Nicole, on the other hand, are humming right along on the path to Montevideo. Speaking of Montevideo, Alison and Donny have arrived in town ahead of everyone. She makes a lot of "yeah, baby" noises, which are not charming. In fact, I think I can hear the entire city of Montevideo weeping at her approach, which doesn't mean much except that they've heard of her.

1:27 AM. Colin and Christie. Wow, a do-rag with a headlamp over it. Sex-ay! Christie's ass says "Texas," today, by the way. (Christie's ass: "Texas." Christie's hair: "The mall.") She interviews that she and Colin are "very competitive" (you know, I hear he's intense), and that they "want to win." Fortunately, the other teams probably won't have a problem with that. None of them want to win. They're not intense. Also, Christie is unnaturally tan. That's not really relevant, but still.

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Amazing Race

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