Amazing Race
Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 429 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Stumbling Toward Ecstasy

Art and JJ look over a wall into the moat surrounding the island and see nothing in the way of a mat or a tall Kiwi game show host. Brendon and Rachel show up and are spotted by the Border Patrol. Needless to say, the two teams do not join forces to hunt for the mat. "God-dog it, man!" JJ non-curses, since they're still no closer to finding Phil. Suddenly there's a four-way footrace up some stairs to... nothing. Vanessa, still in the cab with Ralph, says she hopes their luck is kicking in right now. Looks like it is, because the other two teams still haven't found Phil when the ads hit. Still, that luck is going to have to kick pretty damn hard.

The Phil-hunt continues after the ads and Vanessa and Ralph are out of their cab by now -- at least according to the editing. She says they'll have to run. Injury or not, she's going to reach that mat if she's dragging a half-severed foot by a single Achilles tendon. Finally JJ spots Phil through the trees and leads Art in that direction. "Give me all you got, Art," he says as they jog oldly to the mat. "Good hiding place, Phil," JJ pants. Phil congratulates them on being team number two and in the final three. Art's so happy he hugs Phil. Despite their losing streak, they still seem convinced they're going to win the race. "I know it for a fact," Art insists. Well, at least he still has something to look forward to.

So now it's down to Team Big Brother vs. Team Penultimate in the search for the mat, in a final mean-girl showdown. But it's Brendon and Rachel who make it to the mat next and Rachel does her patented leg-wrap around Brendon and cries when Phil tells them they're team number three. In their post-leg interview, Brendon says they haven't won yet and Rachel agrees that they're the underdogs, but they believe they can do it. Self-awareness has never been their strong suit.

"Phil! Holy cheese and crackers!" Vanessa says after suddenly spotting him and the greeters from about fifty feet away. They're welcomed to Osaka and are not at all surprised to hear they're the last team to arrive and are about to be Philiminated. "I'm sorry," Vanessa whispers to Ralph. But Phil tells her she should be proud of herself for digging deep and never giving up. Ralph tearfully says he'd never want to do this with anyone else. He says they've had their "Bavaria," and they're closer because of it. Nice spin. "From here on out, it's smooth sailing," Vanessa adds. "Unless there are rubber chickens." Well, now Ralph knows how to get at her if he ever really wants to.

Amazing Race

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