Amazing Race
It's a Great Place to Become a Millionaire

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 2 USERS: A
Stumbling Toward Ecstasy

Brendon's ice block is melting faster than it's getting shaved. "Sorry I'm not going fast," Brendon says to Rachel. She says he's doing fine, rather than asking why he's not going fast, which seems like it would be a fair question. Art and JJ show up, still in last place and JJ is taking this one. "Hey, guys. Did you have fun?" Rachel asks, friendly enough. JJ doesn't even spare her a look. "I can get ignored," Rachel shrugs, which is news to me.

Other Rachel and Dave's chopper is flying over the island's wild western shore, with the mountains on the left and the ocean on the right. A magnificent shot from another helicopter shows theirs looking like it's pinned in the middle of a rainbow. Clear space for another Emmy. Other Rachel says the view must be better than Iraq. "I've flown some pretty scenic coastlines, this is gorgeous," Dave allows.

Brendon and JJ are shaving ice side by side, until Brendon soon finishes. "Awwll riiiight!" Taylor Wily says and gives Team Big Brother their clue. "Make your way on foot to one of the helicopters waiting in the outfield," Rachel reads out loud for the world to hear -- and then they go hop into their taxi to go to Aloha Stadium. Idiots! The shot of the two of them in the back seat of he cab goes all slo-mo just long enough to let us viewers at home know that they've just seriously fucked up. Which means Art and JJ are no longer the only ones.

JJ finishes shaving his ice and he and Art get their " Awwll riiiight!" and their clue, still officially in last place but probably not for much longer. They wander off to pay their driver as the camera stays behind to film Taylor Wily favoring us with a smile, a thumbs-up and a hang-ten sign. With that kind of charisma, a fourth role is certainly in his future. They go pay off their driver and run to the outfield, having made up time but still in third -- or so they think, because Rachel and Brendon are back out on the freeway, three blocks from the stadium that is the completely wrong place. The Border Patrol makes it to the two remaining choppers. "I feel like Magnum P.I.," Art says. "All I need now is a Ferrari." You'll need more than that, Fireplug. They take off and the subtitles make it official: "Currently in 2nd place." "I don't think Big Brother's found it yet," one of them says into his headset. Brendon and Rachel get to Aloha Stadium, which of course is a big huge freestanding sports facility, only to find it closed .No helicopters in sight, either. Back in their cab, Brendon tells Rachel to reread the clue. "Make your way... on foot... to one of the helicopters waiting in the outfield," Rachel reads with a dead voice." Horror-stricken, Brendon's like, "On foot? On foot? Oh my God, Rachel!" And then I think he literally says "boo hoo." Of course, Rachel's the only person in this relationship who's ever allowed to get mad, so she tells him to stop freaking out, adding that she wants to shoot herself too. "We messed up," she admits. Which seems like blame-sharing, but it's true that Brendon was standing right there when Rachel read the clue out loud. Plenty of blame to go around.

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Amazing Race




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