Amazing Race
It's a Great Place to Become a Millionaire

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 2 USERS: A
Stumbling Toward Ecstasy

Dave finally finds the marked path, and leads Other Rachel up the hill, saying they can still do this. "I'm dying a slow death," Other Rachel says. They open their clue and Dave says Other Rachel is doing this, which is probably good for them. Obviously Art and JJ are both amazed to see them here. "Art! We're in the lead! It's Dave and [Other] Rachel!" By the time JJ announces this, it's not entirely news to Art, who is actually standing next to them at the top of the hill. JJ's amazed to just be still in the game and Dave says it's them versus Art and JJ for first place, which is "as it should be." Down on the sidelines, Dave and JJ finally shake hands and apparently bury that stupid, stupid hatchet. In actual racing news, Art falls off his sled the next time as well. Other Rachel gets a turn now and even though Dave tells her she knows how to sled (they're from Wisconsin, after all), she wipes out on her first attempt as well. "That hurt," she says cheerfully as she schleps her sled back up the hill. "I think my back is probably all bleeding." Well, Art has done a nice job of churning the rocks up for her, I'm sure. This hill was grass when he got here.

Rachel and Brendon get out of their cab somewhere, but walk some distance off the road before finding a farmer who directs them a half-mile back up the road to Coral Kingdom Gate. "Mahalo," Rachel says as they hurry away. Art makes another go at it, but falls off again. And on her second try, Other Rachel's slimmer build and superior balance get her across the line before Art. "Un. Believable," JJ spits, while Art literally beats up the ground in frustrated fury. "Oh, Arthur, please dear Lord, just do it," JJ begs. But Art slides off again and says he can't do it. JJ insists that he can. "We were handed a million dollars and just threw it away," JJ mutters while Art heads back up the hill. "Gut-wrenching, man." I have to at least give JJ credit for having an extensive vocabulary for bitching.

Now it's time for Other Rachel to roll the stones. Her first attempt clips one of the goalposts, but I think she just wants Dave to shut up about "technique," like he knows anything about this. Art goes again and falls off again and JJ is getting even more frustrated. I don't know if you've been keeping track of how many unsuccessful attempts Art has made, but JJ certainly has. "This is Art's sixteenth time," he says bitterly. "Doing his roll. Or whatever the hell that is." Teamwork! Other Rachel's out of stones, so Dave collects them and runs them back to her, still yammering on about her technique. Other Rachel responds, "Dave, shut the fuck up right now. I swear to God, I will throw one of these at your ____." I don't know what word she used, but it makes the sarong-wearing, Stanley Tucci-looking Roadblock judge clap his hands and crack up. I think I'll go with "goolies."

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Amazing Race




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