Amazing Race
It's a Great Place to Become a Millionaire

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Stumbling Toward Ecstasy

Osaka's pretty busy, judging by the B-roll and after the second repetition within a minute of a shot of the arriving bullet train, the teams emerge into the busy station. Other Rachel and Dave and Team Big Brother decide to transfer to the subway, while the other two teams try to find their way out to get taxis. "Here's hoping they get stuck in traffic," Other Rachel says. Inside their taxi, Art says that a local told them a cab was faster, but inside the crowded subway, Dave says, "A hundred locals on one train car cannot be wrong." That's excellent reasoning, in a country where four-hour commutes aren't unheard-of. Sure enough, it looks like the other teams were right, because Vanessa and Ralph are the first team to make it to the studio. "Here we go again, live and die by the cab," Art says, not incorrectly but one leg early. He and JJ run inside an entirely different building, while Vanessa and Ralph find out from an amused guard that they're in the wrong place. And thus it transpires that Art and JJ get the clue first. It's a Roadblock, with the question, "Who wants to bring home the chicken?" JJ says this is going to be Art, who has no idea what he's going to be doing. Jeez, Art, it says right there that you're going to bring home the chicken. Can't you read?

Cut to a cheesy Japanese game show title, "Bring That Chicken Home." Suddenly we're on the set of a fake Japanese game show, just like in the TAR 15 premiere but without a Sushi Roulette wheel mined with wasabi bombs. There's even the same game show host in the same powder-blue suit, and a cheering studio audience numbering in the... well, in the pairs. JJ laughs as he takes all this in, because I guess "Japanese game show" is still shorthand for "funny." Art comes out wearing skater's pads and a helmet with a clear face shield. The host leads him over to the life-sized game board, which is marked with four brightly-colored lanes each of which has rubber chickens suspended over strings along the length of it. Art takes up position at the back end of one of these lanes and the host explains the rules, which are simple: "You must have three chickens and come over here (a blue pad at the front of the lane), and jump!" It turns out that each of the lanes is an independent treadmill. In the explanation segment with Phil, each one is speeding along under a different hapless production assistant as Phil tells us that the teams must "hot-foot it in a hilarious Japanese game show." Saying "hilarious" doesn't make it so, even when confetti bursts over Phil and the host repeats, "Bring That Chicken Home!" Phil explains that they'll have to jump up as they run and grab chickens from the strings overhead. If they succeed, the host will hand them their next clue. And if they don't, then their name is probably Vanessa. Art's treadmill starts running at low speed and so does he, but when a buzzer goes off and a red light comes on signaling the official beginning of the task, both speed up. He grabs the first chicken before falling and the treadmill doesn't carry him quite all the way into the shallow swimming pool behind him filled with white balloons and feathers (still not funny). His first chicken still in hand, Art runs for and grabs the second one. JJ laughs at the ridiculousness of it all as Art falls after grabbing each chicken and then has to go back to the beginning to run to the mat with them. The running treadmill proves difficult to hop onto when it's going full speed, so a chicken graphic serves as the transition to the next scene before Art's able to finish.

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Amazing Race

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