Amazing Race
It's Hammer Time

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Goodbye, honeys

2:13 AM. The Teeth have busted out some matching gray jackets and black knit hats, so now you know they're serious. Paige has her hair down this morning, so she looks more like Suzy Chapstick than ever. They rip open the clue, and it tells them to get to the Maori Arts and Crafts Institute. Phil explains that today, they're driving in Road Rules-style campers (although with no horns on the front), and they need to go five hundred miles to a village populated by "the indigenous people of New Zealand." (With any luck, they will do a better job with the driving than the camper that's shown during Phil's explanation, which is all over the fog line like somebody on World's Wildest Police Videos.) As he was back in Bangkok, Phil is awed by the fact that the teams have to complete this drive "with only a map to guide them." Next season, if we have one? A GPS device in everyone's nose. It would add a whole new dimension to The Amazing World Map. Anyway, they have to start by getting themselves to Picton to grab the ferry to Wellington. (Did you know that New Zealand is two islands? Well, it is. And they're switching islands today.) The first ferry they can get is at 11:30 AM, and the next after that is at 1:30 PM. The Teeth notice that they only get twenty bucks for the leg. "I think I want to win this race for my mom and dad more than I want to win it for Paige and I," Blake says. Okay, shouldn't that one have been "Paige and me"? ["Yes. Object of a preposition. Carry on." -- Sars] He goes on to discuss the pride, the selflessness, and the very glimmery, glowy wonderfulness that is part and parcel of the Teeth's killer blandness. He also mentions his parents "raising Paige and I" (again, right? ["indeed" -- Sars]), and says how great it would be to beat "teams that are older than us and more experienced than us." In the camper, Blake laughs maniacally and says, "This is awesome!" He is so creepy. I'm sorry to be repetitive, but it frankly bears repeating. Creee-py.

3:13 AM. Taraweasel. He manages to be pushy at her for being too slow before she even gets the clue open, so he's certainly off to a flying start. She calls the camper a "bad boy." A camper? Really? I mean, those little sports cars from last season, maybe, but an RV? Not unless it's the one from Stripes. As usual, Wil has trouble with the car. Not with driving it or repairing it or anything, just with starting it. He's got the windshield wipers on, though, because you cannot get the really important stuff past Wil. He eventually gets the engine running and gets it in gear, and they drive off. Tara accuses him of driving with the brake on, and he whines back at her. In an interview in one of his several just plain awful shirts, Wil explains that he and Tara have always had problems getting along. I make a note of that in case it slips my mind.

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Amazing Race

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