Amazing Race
It's Not Over Until The Phil Sings

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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I Wonder As I Wanda

Unsurprisingly, Tyler is mugging and goofing the entire time they're doing the bottles. He also whines at one point that BJ is hitting him too hard. Lake mentions the same thing to Michelle: "All you have to do is barely hit me." "Oh, shut up and take it like a man," she tells him, and he laughs. He barely touches her with the bottle on their next try, and she argues that it actually hurt more because he did it so softly. They get a label, in spite of not having complete agreement on proper technique (and who ever does, really?) and they leave the Detour in second place. BJ and Tyler find their clue next. BJ does an exaggeratedly hammy goofy thing as he tells the clue woman in German that he wants to go dancing with her. She says that's nice of him. She does not seem all that amused, except in a sort of obligatory way. She is not exactly falling over with the hysterical laughter BJ was clearly looking for. They leave.

Fran and Barry choose the dancing. Yeah, I don't know. Inside, they work on learning the dance. On their first shot, they can't do it, so they ask to try again. This could take a while, people.

Eric and Jeremy approach the pit stop. They hop out of their car and run to the mat. Congratulations, you are team number one. And you have won a trip to Africa. Phil asks about the lipstick on their faces, and they explain how they made the clue lady kiss them. Phil calls them "the biggest Casanovas we've ever had on The Amazing Race." Eric responds to this by talking about how Danielle and Dani are "sweethearts," and Jeremy says he hopes they make it to the mat so that there can be "more tongue-wrestling." Huh. It's so interesting, because either that's a lie, in which case he's an asshole for saying it, or else it's the truth, in which case he's an asshole for saying it. Phil looks like he might be sick, and I agree.

Somehow, Lake and Michelle have wound up behind BJ and Tyler, so these teams are right together approaching the pit stop. Michelle gets frustrated about trying to navigate, and Lake says, "Baby, zip the negativisim now. It's not positive; just don't say it." She shifts into exaggerated praise of him. BJ and Tyler run backwards to the mat for absolutely no reason whatsoever. BJ looks at the greeter, who happens to have a long, white beard, and says, "Santa." Which might be funny if there were a break from this, ever, but as it is, it just feels like an endless stream of being grabbed by the collar and instructed to laugh. "Laugh, dammit!" Also, I don't really appreciate the implication that Santa would lower himself to work as a greeter. Anyway, they are team number two. Lake and Michelle, you are team number three. They're happy, and they high-five.

Back at the dancing, Fran and Barry "complete" the Detour, by which I mean that they stand there while the music plays and the other people dance, and Barry does about three-quarters of the dance, and Fran does no more than half of it. It's completely absurd that this results in their getting the clue, because the entire point is learning all the steps. If you don't make them learn all the steps, then people aren't competing equally, because the rules aren't being applied the way they're explained in the clue. I hate it when this happens. It's locals trying to be nice, basically, but it makes things unfair. They're not feeble; it's not like you can't teach them the steps if you stay and make them learn. At any rate, Fran and Barry get the pit stop clue.

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Amazing Race

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