Amazing Race
Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 546 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You gotta dance with the ox that brung ya

Previously on Zorber, The Geek: The other teams almost managed to leave the Twinkies behind at the airport like dog-eared copies of Us magazine that were read in six minutes at the gate and thrown down in disgust at the gate before pre-boarding even started, but those crafty twins weaseled onto a plane at the last minute and avoided -- or, you know, put off -- disaster. Colin and Christie argued about directions and maps and, according to Phil, their relationship reached "a new level." Oh, look. Phil is being ironic. The moms weren't sure they should sledge, but it turned out that they did a lot better with the whitewater than Brandon and Nicole did on their hands and knees in the mud. It also turns out that God helps those who help themselves take the Reckless task rather than the Chicken. I certainly hope that mud issues are gone for a while! Wouldn't want to see anybody get all muddy and frustrated again! That would be sad! Chip toyed with the Yield, but he ultimately decided not to throw it on the Twinkies. The universe scowled a contemptuous warning, and when Chip ate his oatmeal the next morning, the individual oats spelled out, "NEXT TIME: USE IT, DUMMY." Ultimately, however, the Twinkies did not require Yielding, as a combination of their usual inept navigation and the always dangerous bad Detour choice put them far enough behind that they were phinally, phabulously Philiminated. So now, we are at the final four. Who will be eliminated...next?

Credits. Wait, is that Trump's pretend plane in those pretend clouds? Because if he's in there, I want to thank him again for last week's firing. Which ruled. [BOMP.]

Commercials. Do you suppose Denzel Washington will make a movie I want to see, like, ever again? Because at this point, if you decide not to invest in his "One Man With A Gun Takes On the System And Threatens People On The Phone" oeuvre, it starts to feel like you'll never see him in a movie again. Come back to me, Denzel.

Truly heavenly sun-kissed shots bring us back to what Phil describes as the "stunningly beautiful island nation" of New Zealand. (He leaves off the implied "if I do say so myself.") Phil reminds us, in case we aren't from Earth, that this is the gorgeous landscape that was used for The Lord of the Rings, The Lord Of The Rings II: Ringy-Ding-Ding, and The Lord of the Rings III: Paul Hamm Versus Harry Winston. Phil tells us that the "rolling hills" on which he and his blue shirt and unnecessarily high-waisted khakis are currently strolling served as the tenth pit stop. And there was a little eating, some sleeping, and a modicum of mingling. Aw, look, Brandon sleeps pretty. Phil wonders whether Colin and Christie will keep "breez[ing] past the competition," as we catch Christie apparently bragging about something or other, though it's hard to say what. You can just kind of tell. And, I mean, let's face it: she would. Finally, will Chip and Kim be able to hoist themselves out of last place?

Amazing Race

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