Amazing Race
It's Okay, Run Them Over!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
You gotta dance with the ox that brung ya

As Brandon and Nicole work on their car, he says, "Right," and then she says, "Left? What does 'left' mean?" Pfft. I think she knows what "left" means. I think she's saying that she has no idea what the implications of the use of "right" and "left" in this situation are. Still? A really funny and unfortunate line that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Hey, we've all been there. I accumulate embarrassing moments like some people accumulate souvenir egg cups, so it's not like I don't feel her pain. Colin fastens on the idea of watching the moms, who seem to be making good progress. Teams work. The hourglass trickles. Colin festers. In a voice-over, Karen points out, probably correctly, that it helps with this task to be a mom who puts a lot of toys together. I bet that's right. My sister puts stuff together for her kids all the time, and when I see her sitting on the floor surrounded by forty-six orange plastic connectors, I always think about how I would throw the entire thing out the window after thirty seconds. "Moms can fix anything, moms can do anything," she adds. And...okay, I'll give it a pass this time, because there's no arguing with the fact that they're in first place. Their next clue tells them to have their jeepney driver take them to "the giant duck" in Victoria. Phil explains that they'll now take a 43-mile drive to Victoria, which is the capital of the Philippine duck industry. (Large herd of ducks: "Get away! Get away! Stop taking our picture!") The next clue will be in a field behind what is apparently not called anything other than the "Giant Duck," a statue Phil promises is "a local icon." I hope it's a well-known icon. Because otherwise, you could drive around for a long time looking for a really, really big duck, and the locals would just think you were another stoned American college student. Linda and Karen take off with their driver as Nicole marvels to Brandon how quickly they finished.

And now Chip, in a pattern he really, really needs to break, comments with depressed humiliation in an interview that he and Brandon "let some women beat [them] putting together a car." Yes. We put together cars! We vote! We own property! Enough, Chip. Seriously. We do all kinds of stuff since they stopped making us wear corsets. The Moms pull out in first place, and guess what? There is shrieking. There is also some attention-grabbing boob action during the shrieking and wiggling in the jeepney. Just saying. You can't really avoid it -- it's the camera placement.

Brandon and Nicole are finishing up, and Colin picks up the hourglass and smacks it against the platform it's sitting on, which I'm fairly sure you're not supposed to do. "Don't mess with it," Christie says cautiously. "Just flattening it out," he says, quasi-casually. Well, don't, ass. Mitts off. Brandon and Nicole get their clue and go. As they're getting into their jeepney, Colin says to Christie, "Can you believe Chip and Kim Yielded us?" You mean, with the great subtlety you were using in making everyone aware of how superior you were? Well...yes. I actually can believe it. As Brandon and Nicole leave, Brandon notes, "Colin is ticked," and then, though the window, Colin asks where they're going. "Giant duck," Brandon says, because it's not going to matter, and this way, Colin will stay mad at Chip and not add Brandon to the hate list. And also because Colin will spend the next ten minutes or whatever going, "What did he say? It sounded like 'giant duck,' but that can't be right." When they're gone, Colin says to Christie, "They could be going to the pit stop right now." With no Detour? Eh, not likely. Colin taps his fingers on the top of the Yield box as Chip and Kim try to get the jeepney done. Chip sweats. Colin drums. Sand drains. Finally, Chip and Kim get finished, get their clue, and leave. Colin glares at them the entire time. As they're leaving, Chip voices over that he couldn't look at Colin and Christie, because he felt "so ashamed." Oh, stop, Chip. You did the right thing. Race yes! Montessori school no! Yeesh. And also, they deserve it, just generally, for an interminable case of sucking. In the jeepney, Kim says, "We didn't want to do that, but they are too strong." Well, exactly. And they've made sure everyone knows it.

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Amazing Race

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