Amazing Race
It's Okay, Run Them Over!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
You gotta dance with the ox that brung ya

Okay. So. Colin runs out into the field and gets behind the ox with the rope in his hand. Christie, unlike every one of the other seven people who has participated in this task, chooses to stand on the sidelines and do nothing, in an apparent attempt to keep her feet clean. In Stage I (Colin Is Sane, Mostly), he says fairly breezily to Christie when she asks him how he's doing the task, "I can't control where he goes, baby." And indeed, Colin is at the ox's mercy, as it leads him in a random diagonal cutting across the field. "Be looking, okay?" she nags. In Stage II (Colin Becomes Concerned), he says, "Which way?" "Be looking on the bottom," she offers, as if it's a very silly question. In Stage IIIA ("Babe" Is Colin For "Bitch"), he tightly says with frustration, "You're not even helping me look, babe, you're just standing around." In Stage IIIB: ("Babe" Is Christie For "Asshole"), she says, "There's not much I can do, babe. It's -- it's underneath. It's in the plowed area. It's gonna be deep; that's why you have to really be looking in the plowed area." Why wouldn't she at least walk with him if that's what she thinks? Sigh. In Stage IV: (Christie Pokes The Sleeping Crazy), she says, as if he's a dimwit, "Do you understand?" In Stage V: (Blast-Off), Colin says, "I UNDERSTAND!" And then he goes back to plowing. But just for the moment.

Out on the street, Chip and Kim see another bus, but it's not going to Manila either.

In Stage VI (Human-Animal Miscommunication Troubles Us All) Colin shrieks, "Where's he going?" as the ox wanders off the field. Well, yeah. I mean, the ox doesn't know the rules. The saying isn't "smart as an ox," Colin. In Stage VII (Exploring The Futility of Ordering Around An Ox Who Probably Doesn't Speak English), Colin hollers at the ox, "NO! In this field!" You know, my parents' dog is a lot smarter than that ox, and I'm not sure he knows very many words other than "squirrel," "out," "walk," "Daddy," "Mommy," and "BlackDog." (BlackDog is the dog across the street, who is his best friend. He and BlackDog would never Yield each other.) I don't think the dog would understand "In this field!" Plus, what has Colin done for this ox? Why would the ox listen to anything he says? The dog only pays any attention because my parents pour tomato juice on his food.

In Stage VIII (Colin Instantly Becomes A Legend), he says, "Oh my GOD! My ox is broken! This is BULLSHIT!" Yes. You heard right; his ox is broken. Just his luck, Colin has wound up with the world's only broken ox working for him. And it's not broken in the sense that it's injured, unless he suspects it of having one leg shorter than the others in such a way that it goes in circles. No, it's broken in the sense that just as you should be able to pick up a Jack-in-the-box, turn the crank, and have the little guy pop out, he thinks you should be able to pick up a rope, tell an ox where to go, and he should go there. And if he doesn't? Well, he's obviously broken. Flawed! Colin has been given nonfunctioning equipment!

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Amazing Race

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