Amazing Race
I've Become The Archie Bunker Of The Home

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I Want To Ride My Bicycle

Previously on Donkeys Famous For Things Other Than Saying "Waffles" In Eddie Murphy's Voice: Teams flew from L.A. to Ireland, where they encountered a couple of different bicycles and a good variety of temperamental donkeys. Kynt and Vyxsin tried to convince everyone that they were truly Goth by saying "Goth" a lot and most likely being the inventors of the entire concept of the Goth pun, while Jason and Lorena went up against Nate and Jen to win the award for Couple Most Likely To Be Long Since Kaput And Already Hooking Up With Disease-Ridden Big Brother Contestants By This Time Next Year. Nate struggled to find G-rated ways to swear at his girlfriend, missing the fact that "God bless it" is so G-rated that God Himself is like, "Weak sauce, dude." Ron and his daughter Christina seemed to be having a nice time...so far. (Foreshadowing!) Ari and Staella and Nate and Jen both had staggering donkey meltdowns, and ultimately, brother and sister Azaria and Hendekea came in first, while best friends Ari and Staella made an absolutely delightful first boot, because seriously, no. No to the pincushion hair, no to calling yourself a giant bitch, just no. Ten teams left. Who will be eliminated...next?

Credits. Wow, Kynt and Vyxsin are enjoying the hell out of that head-turn, aren't they? It's like, "Look! Over there! EMO KIDS! Eat them!" In other news, I am taking this space to tell you that I just got my favorite bob of all time at this place, so if you're in New York and you like a cute bob, or you enjoy a friendly, not-too-hipstery atmosphere and very attentive and friendly stylists, I highly recommend them. They'll give you a glass of wine and a scalp massage that will make even the longest of weeks drain away. Ask for Nikki. [BOMP.]

The extremely green and extravagantly rolling hills of Ireland are our opening backdrop this week, as Phil explains. Phil, who is hopefully accustomed by now to having his fashion choices dissected like Charlie Sheen's Gmail account, is sporting a so-so black jacket as he tells us that the teams are pitstopping in this "rich and rugged landscape" at the Connemara Heritage Center. They have no idea what's in store! They think this is What Not To Wear! Won't they be surprised! Phil wonders whether Kynt and Vyxsin can continue to play strong, and whether Nate and Jen can stop arguing long enough to race a little better. I, personally, am wondering whether Nate will come up with anything new that Jen is "the worst person" at, now that he's covered "carrying a backpack in the fog." You know, now that I look, I would also wonder whether Nate will make a decision about the facial hair, as far as whether he's shaving or not shaving, because in the pit-stop shot from last week, he kind of looks like he took one swipe down his face with a razor and then decided that would do it. Nate can't commit! It's a theme, you see.

12:00 AM. Azaria and Hendekea. He does a cute little The Price Is Right wave over the clue envelope, although Wing's sister Toque would tell you that he needs to tap the envelope more. Everyone knows the correct choreography goes, "Sweep, sweep, flourish, tap tap tap." (It used to end with "remove Barker's hand from your tuchus," but he's gone now.) The clue instructs them to fly to Amsterdam, which Phil says is "nearly 600 miles." When they land, they'll take a train to Amsterdam Central Station, and then they'll get out and search the canals for a bridge with a name so long, it seems like they might be kidding about it. The Netherlands are notorious pranksters, you know. As they leave, Hendekea interviews that her brother is pushy, and she's out to prove something to him. Hey, I bet it's that he doesn't need to be so pushy.

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Amazing Race

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