Amazing Race
I've Become The Archie Bunker Of The Home

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I Want To Ride My Bicycle

Marianna and Julia wait for the bus, with no idea, really, of where the other teams are.

Ron is hollering some blustery thing about optimism, and I think he's warming up to say optimism is bullshit, but then they see their other bike and grab it. So, good. Maybe he'll shut the fuck up. Pat and Kate once again think they lost their concentration while searching, so they're not quite done. Ron and Christina get directions from a helpful local. He asks her if she knows how to get there, and she says she does. He does this whole annoying "Okay, we'll be all optimistic" thing, and when she high-fives him halfheartedly, he starts giving her an "I'm just keeping it real" speech. And you know how I love that. He tells her he won't give her any "rosy picture." He says this: "I'm optimistic with the real truth flavor."

Pardon me while I throw up all over my copy of King Lear.

You can just see how tired Christina is -- not from this, but from her whole life. You can see, telegraphed in her face, that this is what she was afraid would happen, and dreaded would happen, and hoped wouldn't happen, and feels stupid for not realizing would inevitably happen. My guess is that this is every Thanksgiving for her, and every decision she's ever made that he didn't exactly and precisely approve of. This is her whole life, is this argument right here. Sometimes, you can tell people are surprised by fighting during the race, because it's an outlier in their relationship, but Christina is just disappointed that they didn't make it more than a leg and a half before he started in with this, which she has seen many times. She turns to him with remarkable calm, and she says that she'll temporarily take back her calls for optimism so they can keep going, but it's not enough, so he rails at her for giving him "crap" about how "only positive vibes will get you through." Christina calmly says, "I'm not going to ride and lead you unless you stop shouting." Good for her. "I'm trying to tell you the real truth that other people don't tell you, that you have boogers in your bone," says her father before stomping off. I think he meant "in your nose," but it sure sounds like it comes out as "in your bone,"'s a dick thing to say anyway. It's like he says things like that thinking that the audience at home will find him adorable and endearing, which really, really is not going to happen. It doesn't come off as curmudgeonly and affectionate; it just genuinely seems mean.

Azaria and Hendekea, Kynt and Vyxsin, TK and Rachel, and Don and Nick get off the bus near the field. They read the clue about who the "acrobat" is. Kynt darkly says, "It involves the sheep over there." Ha! It would have been so great if the acrobatic task had involved jumping over a bunch of sheep, like Fonzie hurtling over a line of old cars. Rachel takes it, and Hendekea, and Kynt. They get a demo, and Don and Nick realize that they can kind of watch and see what the other teams are doing and what the Roadblock seems to be about before they decide. Kynt is horrified when he sees that the thing involves mud instead of sheep. "I'm not one of those 'get down and dirty' kind of boys," he says. You know, bud, if it weren't this, it would be something. The race usually gets dirty at least once.

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Amazing Race




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