Amazing Race
I've Become The Archie Bunker Of The Home

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I Want To Ride My Bicycle

12:08 AM. Kynt and Vyxsin. We learn that they're getting $59 for the leg. Barely enough for eyeliner! Man, even I am already tired of these jokes. Is it possible that without the pink hair and the eyeliner, these people are sort of boring? As they drive, Kynt hypothesizes that everyone will love them in Amsterdam. They get along great with hookers and potheads! In an interview, he says that in the game, you're often "completely in the dark," and Vyxsin adds, "Usually, of course, the dark is Kynt and my favorite place in which to dwell." Gah. You know where I like to dwell, Vix? The Land Where Things Aren't Quite That Ratzafrazzing Barfy. Pay us a visit sometime.

12:15 AM. TK and Rachel. He says in an interview that his relationship with Rachel is far more important to him than the race. Hey, that's no kind of attitude! That won't cause any fighting at all! He says they really want to enjoy all these places they're going that they haven't gotten to see before. "Amsterdam, that's gonna be bitchin'," she says. Somehow, I think they will be the team most at home in Amsterdam. Call me crazy. This, of course, is that I suspect them of being regular enjoyers of wooden shoes.

1:15 AM. Lorena and Jason. He tells us that the idea of all the challenges of the race is to "start connecting." He hopes it will begin to occur any time now. Until then, he's going to be connecting with that voice of hers, which is about as pleasant as connecting with a five-year-old squeaking his fingers across a balloon and laughing.

1:35 AM. Nicolas and Donald. In an interview, Nicolas says that he would never yell at his grandpa to hurry up. He does say, however, that Donald sometimes tends to "have an attitude sometimes of going slowly." I'd be interested to see what would happen if Nick did yell at his grandpa to hurry up. Somehow, I'm thinking a belt would be involved. And a buckle mark. And Nick's teeth in a jar.

1:57 AM. Shana and Jennifer. Shana interviews with great seriousness that the race has been "a shock to [their] systems," because she hasn't had a facial or a manicure. She obviously planned that line, and she should have saved it a little longer, because nobody believes she doesn't typically go three days without a facial and a manicure. In other news, Jennifer can't figure out how to keep the brights on in the car, and the squawking horn music on the soundtrack suggests that she's dumb, but if you don't know how to work the particular brights on a particular car, that's an easy thing to struggle with. I don't know how many times my exit from the rental-car place has been delayed because I can't get the window down to give the guy in the booth my paperwork. Hey, shut up.

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Amazing Race

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