Amazing Race
I've Become The Archie Bunker Of The Home

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I Want To Ride My Bicycle

Elsewhere, Ronald and Christina and Kate and Pat decide to pull over to a little inn, where they manage to get on the internet. Christina finds some information about flights, but at the same time, the fifth team to arrive at the airport is Shana and Jennifer. Ron bugs Christina while she's trying to use the computer, and as they and Kate and Pat are pursuing this option, Nate and Jen fly by on the way to the airport -- where, by the way, Nicolas and Donald are arriving. It looks like the teams trying to use the internet don't even really do anything before getting up and leaving, and that's not really what you want to do this close to opening time. You need to purchase; you don't waste time on the information side if you can't purchase, if you know it's close to the time other people will get to the airport and buy tickets. In their car, Kate and Pat worry that Ron is being a little bit too much of a jackass with his daughter, not to put too fine a point on it. "I'm hoping she's not having a miserable time," Pat says. That's...optimistic?

In the Nate/Jen car, she's all excited about getting to the airport and hopefully being ahead of Marianna and Julia, who she's pretty sure took a different route.

Azaria and Hendekea and Kynt and Vyxsin request tickets through Dublin that will apparently get them to Amsterdam at 12:15. Jen and Nate arrive at the airport, and the caption says they're in sixth place, just as it said Nicolas and Donald were in fifth place, and isn't that wrong? Because...Azaria and Hendekea, Kynt and Vyxsin, TK and Rachel, Jason and Lorena, Shana and Jennifer, and Nicolas and Donald all got to the airport before Nate and Jen. And only Marianna and Julia, Ron and Christina, and Kate and Pat are behind them. So that would make Nick and Don sixth, and Jen and Nate seventh. It would be nice if the show could get the placements right. If nothing else, it would make me feel like less of a dork over here if I weren't the only person who knew what place everyone's in.

The teams ascertain that there's only room on the Dublin-Amsterdam flight for six teams. And now, Nicolas and Donald break the news to Nate and Jen that they probably won't get on the flight, which is right, so didn't somebody watching the episode compare that with the on-screen placements they were just giving where Nate and Jen were allegedly sixth? It's not a big deal, but it looks all raggedy when I can keep up with the placements better than the captioners.

But now, the placements get even more nonsensical, because Ron and Christina are inside the airport, and then we cut to the parking lot, where Kate and Pat are getting out of their car and are captioned "currently in 7th place." No. Not seventh. Ninth. Who got drunk in post-production, people? Lay off the vodka tonics. As they get out of the car, Kate reveals that Pat is a cancer survivor, but shockingly, this doesn't blossom into a self-pitying rant about how she's more equipped for the race than anyone else. They missed a few lessons at Reality TV School, that's for sure. Meanwhile, teams inside buy tickets. And this is where I realize that there are two lines going, because the last set of tickets is going to go to either Nate and Jen or Nicolas and Donald, depending on whose ticket agent is faster. Owing to the general hostility of the universe, it's Nate and Jen's agent who's faster, so their incredibly shitty performance of the last episode is entirely erased as of this moment. Somewhere, their donkey is rolling his eyes, like, "I did my best; what happens from here is out of my hooves."

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Amazing Race

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