Amazing Race
Let's Name Our Chicken Phil

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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You Can Dance If You Want To

TK is not as good at mining as Don, and he and Rachel seem to be just pawing through the mud rather than washing the stuff off with water. So that is going to take a lot longer.

Kynt and Vyxsin. "I'm going to improv a little bit, too!" says Kynt, which totally reminds me of the experienced Clay Aiken fans who kept grabbing my friend Jane Wiedlin's Boyfriend's arm at a Clay Aiken concert he was compelled to attend and warning him to "Get ready!" So...Kynt's going to improv! Get ready! His improv turns out to consist mostly of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Eyeliner-ish brandishing of his stick like it's a martial-arts weapon. Again, it's "creative," but he's not doing the dance. She is, though. The crowd really seemed to love them, and the judges do, too: "Congratulations, you are wonderful," says the judge. Aw. Wonderful! In fourth place, they leave for the market.

Unfortunately for those of us who are Nick/Don fans, they're wandering around, not really at the right place for the market, and the people they run into don't seem to know where they're supposed to be. Kynt and Vyxsin beat them to the U-Turn box, where they choose not to U-Turn anyone. Kynt clarifies that they'll "use it later." In the cab, Kynt says that to people in Africa, he and Vyxsin must look like "aliens," but everybody's been incredibly warm and friendly to them. Next time you see somebody lump all of "reality television" together, as if this show belongs in some sort of family with Rock Of Love, just keep that moment in mind.

Ron and Chris's penalty is up, so they're ready to leave. Shana and Jennifer are ready to learn the dance. Ron and Chris get to the U-Turn next (and don't use it), but Nick and Don, at last, are right behind. They take off running, and they get there right after Ron and Chris. It does appear that Nick carries both packs a decent amount of the time, but he's doing fine, and he and Don are finally in their cab and on their way.

Speaking of "finally," TK gets to the part of the gold pit where all the gold is. Even as they happily find some gold, they fret about the fact that the dancing people are probably all finished.

Shana and Jennifer's dance. Man, this is embarrassing. It involves crawling on the ground. And very little of the dance they're supposed to be doing. And gyrating pelvises. And stripper-pole moves. They get their clue, so apparently this dance met the requirements, which is so gross, because...it just is. I'm insulted as a woman, as an American, and as a very bad dancer.

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Amazing Race

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