Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 65 USERS: A
Have You Driven a Fjord Lately?

After the ads, it's now 1:09 AM, and still light outside. Leo & Jamal have been reduced to lifting their wheelbarrow physically off the ground as the blondes are gaining ground and talking about how this is the best time they've had yet. I knew it; as much as they might pretend otherwise, they prefer hanging out with five dozen severed fish heads to hanging out with Leo & Jamal.

Tim & Marie are finally at the drying rack area where they'll hang up their fish heads, which is so huge it requires an aerial shot to take it all in. Must smell amazing, too. "Unless you puke, faint, or die? Keep going," Marie orders Tim. They soon find an area where there aren't Lovecraftian fish-nightmares covering every visible square inch, and Marie says they can use this. "Only one team per pole," she reads from the clue, and tells Tim to start hanging. What she's missing is that the end of the pole she's chosen isn't marked with a little Amazing Flag like some of the others are. That's probably significant, don't you think?

Danny finally hangs the last pair of cod onto Tim, who already has the dried fins of twenty-eight other fish biting into his flesh. Looks uncomfortable, to say the least. Kim drapes the fifth pair on Nicky, who is also not digging this. She asks Kim to get as many as she can at one time. "But we're doing great, "she says from beneath a shoulder-load of fish. "I think we can do this." In other words, they aren't whining yet.

Jason & Amy arrive at the drying racks, and confirm with Tim & Marie that they're hanging them centered so that five fish heads from each bundle are on each side of the pole. Then Amy & Jason go to a pole that is marked on the end, though Marie doesn't hear that observation because she's calling the judge over to check their work. He's still looking it over when Amy calls for a check. Marie lies that she hopes they're both right, and when she gets a no, Amy asks for a check while Marie tries to figure out how Tim screwed this up. The Hairballs arrive and go right to work hanging their fish on a correctly marked pole as well. And Jason & Amy finish this Detour in first place, and get a clue that tells them to take a high-speed boat to Henningsvaer, a fishing village where they'll find their next clue.

Marie is still at a loss as to what they did wrong, and she and Tim are now retying their bundles on the ground, still unaware of the marked-pole requirement and already starting to talk about using their Express Pass. I say "already" as if they ever talk about anything else. Brandon & Adam get their clue in second place, and on their way out, Marie asks the Hairballs what she and Tim did wrong. "Well I don't have time to sit and look at yours," Brandon says reasonably, whereupon Marie blares, "We have an Express Pass! Help us!" Oh, my Gaaahd, Marie, enough already. Nobody believes your shit any more. Adam interviews after the fact that Marie is "a little bit manipulative to begin with," and Brandon adds that every other team has told them that she's offered the Express Pass to them, too. Which doesn't surprise me at all. So on the way away from the Detour, Adam says, "I don't need your damn Express Pass." Marie calls for another check, and since they're still using the same incorrect pole, it's still wrong. "Why is this happening to me? I'm nice to everyone," Marie lies to herself. Meanwhile, the Hairballs are jogging back up the road, mocking Marie's shrill and incessant Express Pass-dangling. "I'll tell you where you can stick your Express Pass, whoo-woo!" Finally, someone's figured out that the whole Express Pass thing is totally overrated. I just wish Marie would, but that's never going to happen.

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Amazing Race




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