When we return from commercials, the *wins are still looking for a cabbie to lead them and the *lyns to the tank school. Finally, they find a guy and are on their way. "We still think that we can catch Rob and Kim," Erwin says from the back seat. Well, I think I can catch a cold from going outside with my hair wet; doesn't make it true.
Meanwhile, up at the tank school, the BQs and A(AM!)s have arrived, and they hit the clue box. They open it, and it's a Roadblock. "Who's ready to take command?" it reads. Phil explains that, unsurprisingly, they've come to the tank school to drive a tank. Well, one of them has. The other one has come to the tank school to stand around. The Roadblocker has to take the tank through a 1.2-mile obstacle course, and when they're done, an officer will hand over the clue. On tap for the tank Roadblock are Dustin and James. The two climb into their tanks, and a few friendly soldiers give them instructions on how to run them. Yeesh. That seems like a tall order for an amateur. I guess if we can have 17-year-old high-school punk-asses driving Corolla-crushing Humvees, this isn't any worse. Off my lawn!
In the Pointymobile, Rob complains that he can barely control the car. Kimberly, unconcerned, says that he'll "get the hang of it." I'll be interested in seeing whether she maintains that calm attitude when he wraps the car around a tree. I've always thought "honey, I can't control the car" would be kind of an alarming announcement. Maybe Kimberly is trying so hard not to fight that she's not technically listening to anything he says.
Tank school. Aaaaand... they're off! James gets out to a slight lead over Dustin, as pretend explosions go off all around them. But then James stalls his tank (hee hee), which makes Tyler complain to Kandice back at the starting line, of course. Tyler is never happy. "I don't know what he's doing wrong," Tyler says. Meanwhile, Dustin passes James and gets in front of him. "What's James doing? Driving like a girl!" Tyler gripes, not without a heap of teasing.
The Pointymobile. Kimberly really wishes they could catch up with James and Tyler, but Rob basically tells her to be quiet, because he's more concerned about not killing the car. Another exchange completed without screaming! I feel like throwing them a treat.
Tanks. James manages to drive his tank into the side of Dustin's tank, just a little. "I crashed," he comments. When they're on their way again, they go through a mud hazard of sorts, which doesn't get Dustin dirty, because the universe never gets girls like that muddy against their will, but which splatters James with mud. When Tyler and Kandice see a tank approaching the finish, they don't know who it is at first, but of course, it turns out to be Dustin. "That's right, my little stick-shift driver!" Kandice shouts. Wow, that might be the wimpiest booyah I've ever heard. James arrives soon after, complaining good-naturedly about how dirty and soaked he is. Both drivers collect clues, and when James runs over to Tyler, Tyler says, "You're so dirty, dude!" He sure knows how to feed the weird fantasies about himself. James laughs. He actually has to point out to Dustin that he hit her tank, because she apparently didn't notice. Why am I not all that surprised? "I charged it!" James says. Tyler looks at him and teases, "You still got beat, though." Heh. At any rate, both teams open a clue directing them to drive back into Kiev, which Phil says is 43 miles. They have to find their way to an apartment building, and when they find Apartment 33, a woman will give them their clue. These teams take off, and in their car, Tyler tells James that he was giving him grief for getting beaten by Dustin. Kandice assures Dustin, meanwhile, that Tyler was embarrassed for James's getting "beat by a girl." Normally, that would be annoying, but between these two teams, I think it's pretty clear that the boys don't underestimate these women on account of their being women, so I'm not sure there's much to it. Except that James got beat by a girl. A giiiirl!