Amazing Race
Loose Lips Sink Ships

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M. Giant: A- | 1 USERS: B+
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The Curse of the Red Pearl

One of the twins announces to the other that he's going to try to actually execute a dive. That does seem like the most likely way to fish out items suspended a couple of yards below the surface, at least when lacking any kind of tool that would be useful in this situation, like a pool skimmer or a roof rake or an Ohio-class nuclear submarine. Meanwhile, Pam finds her and Winnie's second pearl. And at this point, Idries and Jamil are collecting their shells from the submerged lines, but they're doing it one at a time rather than in clumps. As if this task weren't already difficult enough. They might as well find their red pearls using X-ray vision, the way this is going. Pam & Winnie are now in seventh place, having passed the twins, who in turn are now in last place among the teams not currently working to come back from a time penalty. That Express Pass would sure come in handy right about now, wouldn't it?

Team Newlywed and the country singers are back in their boats to leave the Hilton. One of the blondes has already ditched the sparkly turquoise headband she was wearing as flair at the beginning of her leg just moments ago. "Screw the sparklies," she says wisely, which coincidentally would have been an excellent tagline for TAR20 with Rachel & Brendon. Meanwhile, Max & Katie are talking about how their alliance of convenience with their fellow ass-draggers is a sham, and how sure they are that the blondes feel the same way. "It's us or them."

We come back to Max commenting at further length about how the country singers are actually out for their blood, which is a little projection on his part, but not a lot.

Pam & Winnie get on their jet-ski and head out, glad that they're A) out of the water and B) now ahead of the twins, who manage to get their entire oyster to their boat and, after careful examination, conclude that there's nothing in it. Oy, this is like watching my eight-year-old pack-rat son clean his room.

The lead teams arrive at Motu Tapu and wade ashore, with Joey and Meghan still narrowly in first place. Meghan does me the solid of dubbing Jessica & John "Team JJ" and they quickly open their clue, aware the other teams are right behind them. This one is a Roadblock. Cut to Phil standing on yet another beach, this one populated by with locals on stilts in the background, because a sandy beach is the ideal environment for stilt-walking. He tells us, "Teams must now test their athletic abilities by balancing on stilts, part of a traditional Polynesian game that's been used to test a man's strength for centuries." Centuries? Jeez, give that man a rest already. If he hasn't proved himself by now, he never will. Anyway, each racer doing the Roadblock will have to use their stilts not only to walk thirty-five yards down the beach, but kick a coconut along as they go. If they fall off, they can leave their coconut where it is but have to go back to the beginning and stump back to where they left off. Once they're done, Phil says they can go straight to the Pit Stop, where "the last team to check in here may be eliminated." Joey decides to do this. John reads the clue question, "Who's a well-balanced individual?" So Jessica takes it, as do Connor and Anthony. They all get started on it, having to wear crowns, leg-bands and arm-bands made of palm fronds as they do so. And of course there's the obligatory hula ensemble performing throughout. It's also worth mentioning that the stilts aren't just poles with footholds; the foot of each one has part of a coconut shell affixed to it like a cup to prevent the end from sinking too deeply into the sand. It's the same concept used on moon missions to keep the feet of the landers from disappearing into the lunar soil, so I assume this is where NASA got the idea.

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Amazing Race

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