Amazing Race
Amazing Race

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Miss Alli: A- | 535 USERS: C+
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Enjoying the glory of Darwin

Commercials. America voted for BJ and Tyler. Again, I am an outlier.

We come back to find Eric and Jeremy hunting for a taxi, still, and being told that they should try looking for one at a hotel. I would think that would be fairly standard taxi-hailing etiquette, no? Not that their intelligence is "standard," of course. It really is pretty delicious that their efforts at sabotage went quite that hideously wrong. In the cab they finally pick up at one of the hotels, Eric laughs, a little bit embarrassed but not really, about the fact that BJ and Tyler and Ray and Yolanda think that it was MoJo who did the cab-canceling.

Speaking of MoJo, up in their cab, Joseph is talking about how the game is "getting dirty." Unaware that their reputations are taking a dive right now, they're just happy that they kept BJ and Tyler from stealing their cab. "We weren't about to let them get away with that," Monica says with a smile of satisfaction. Joseph makes some kind of yelp of victory, but I kind of don't get it.

Tyler: "Apparently, Joseph had canceled everyone's cabs." I understand how you'd reach that conclusion, certainly, but it's not like you know this for sure. "If Joseph had called," Tyler says, "then when Yield season comes along, then Joseph and Monica are going to be the hunted." Of course, whether they canceled the cabs has absolutely no rational relationship to the intelligence of Yielding them for race purposes, so that's just uncut stupid.

In the Ray and Yolanda car, Ray is talking about the pleasure of seeing MoJo in a crocodile pond. Ray thinks that a crocodile might choke on the "plastic Barbie doll" that is Monica. I'm not sure I think that's the best joke he could have come up with, you know? Help me out here, Ray. It's Monica, you know? I think it's more that she would be nothing but an amuse bouche. For her part, Yolanda says that "black people wouldn't be stupid enough to get into a pool of crocodiles." And then she pauses. And then she says, "Or would they, because that's what we're about to do." Heh. Ray thinks that for a million dollars, the rules kind of change.

First to the airport are Monica and Joseph, and they go and ask about the fastest way to Darwin. Joseph also tells the ticket agent they'd rather nobody else find out about it. The agent, who looks a little bit like a Stephen Root cousin and is operating at a level of seriousness that's difficult to discern, says, "What's it worth?" Joseph and Monica assure him that it's worth a million dollars. Idiots. Saying what everyone else in the room is thinking, the agent says that what he meant was, what's it worth to him? Making themselves look even dumber than they already do, MoJo says that Monica will give him kiss. Okay, see, when you're just sucking up, you can offer to give the guy a kiss. But when the guy wants to know how much you're going to bribe him, that is not a "give him a kiss" situation. The agent looks back at them, and his face expresses the following thought rather eloquently: "How did you get all the way from America to here without absentmindedly swallowing your tongue?" Go on. Freeze-frame it. I'll wait. That's what his face is saying.

Amazing Race

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