Amazing Race
Man, They Should Have Used Fake Names

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Enjoying the glory of Darwin

At 8:00 AM, the teams run into the tower and head up the stairs. BJ and Tyler, Ray and Yolanda, MoJo, and Eric and Jeremy find the clue in that order. Phil tells us that the clue tells them to fly 1700 miles to Darwin, which is "named after famed naturalist Charles Darwin," where they'll find marked cars and drive to what Phil refers to as a "crocodile farm." It's so great when you learn that a new thing exists. It's like, "The teams will now drive to a vegetable zoo." Like, oh, they have a place where you can go and pet cabbages? Of course! Why wouldn't they? Sheltered American! At the farm, they'll walk into a pool of crocodiles to get a clue. There are several very menacing shots of crocodiles here, like, "THEY. MAY. DIE." Which isn't so much true, but, okay. They do look scarier than the typical scary animals they use on this show, which often look sleepy, bored, or recently sated. And this is the part where you should have, obviously, Steve Irwin saying, "Never taunt these by driving a stick up their noses, like I'm about to do here." And then he'd make his wife hold the bag, which always strikes me as such a grand metaphor, you know?

So now, we are back out in front of the tower. BJ and Tyler flag down a red taxi. They say simply, "We called for a taxi," and they get inside. Then Eric and Jeremy come up and ask the driver if he has a name for the party he was supposed to pick up. "Under Joseph," the driver says. Just then, MoJo runs up, with Joseph protesting that BJ and Tyler are trying to get his cab. "I'm Joseph," he tells the driver. What I love is that Eric is totally on board for screwing BJ and Tyler, because he agrees, indicating BJ in the cab, "That's not Joseph." They open the door, and initially, BJ refuses to get out, saying simply, "We're in this taxi." "Get out," Joseph repeats. He tells the driver again that he is Joseph. He offers ID, but the driver pretty much tells him it doesn't matter, which Joseph and BJ and Tyler all apparently take to mean that the driver wants the hippies out of the cab -- plus, Tyler is already out anyway. MoJo puts their luggage in, gets in the cab, and leaves for the airport. BJ grumpily wants to know why Tyler ever got out of the cab at all, apparently thinking they could have held firm, in spite of the fact that Joseph was about to show ID to the driver proving that he was the person for whom the taxi was called. What you want to do, of course, is tell the person on the phone that the driver should ask for ID before picking up anyone -- this lesson goes back quite a way, to the fourth episode ever, to boys who didn't have multiple seasons of the show to use for reference, either. At any rate, Tyler insists it just wasn't worth it to start something. "Right, it's not worth a million dollars to piss somebody off," BJ spits. That doesn't seem very American Bedouin of him! It's so curious how the "I love the world and all its children" bit comes and goes with BJ.

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Amazing Race

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