It's time to go to India again, and you know what that means. Harrowing driving! A Roadblock of the needle-in-a-haystack variety requires patience and an orderly approach and, in Gretchen's case, a lot of head-scratching and spinning around. Oh, and there's a Yield, but no one uses it. The Detour entices all five teams to take on the task of serving tea to a collection of Indian bureaucrats (really!), and chaos ensues. Meredith and Gretchen fall behind by a large margin in a short time and trail all day, leaving us all to speculate about whether they're about to lose the cute little backpack that Gretchen just bought. But, wonder of wonders, when Rob and Amber finish the leg first (again), they learn from Phil that there's no greeter and no pit stop -- they just get another clue and keep going. To Be Continued! Sigh.
Previously on Bye Bye, Loves: The teams raced through Botswana, where Uchenna and Joyce continued to demonstrate that their marital-difficulties "hook" was, in all likelihood, a complete fraud. A milking Detour option tested the pastoral, as well as comedy, skills of a number of teams, with Lynn taking the prize for Most Failed Attempts At A Goat-Teat Joke. It was also Mutual of Whoa!-maha's Wild Kingdom Week as everyone got accustomed to driving down the road and being interrupted by four-cow pileups and jackknifed giraffes. Lynn and Alex continued work on their upcoming book, 400 Ways To Kill A Supposedly Indestructible Botswanan SUV. Kelly read several chapters of He's Just Not That Into The Bible and became concerned enough to gently and lovingly point out to Ron, in the spirit of "love one another as I have loved you" and so forth, that he was "a piece of trash redneck." A couple of teams had problems following directions, but none of them were nearly serious enough to save the adorable fannies of Brian and Greg, who showed up at the pit stop scantily clad, but were Philiminated anyway. Phil is no fun. I would have enjoyed people trying to figure out how to get into sacred sites in swim trunks. Now, we're down to the final five in this, the seventh episode. Who will be eliminated next, and how on earth will they drag it out for another month until the finale?
Credits. Meet! The! Teams! The ones that haunt! Your! Dreams! Oh...never mind. We're not doing that anymore. You know, sometimes I long for all that I've left behind at Ye Olde Gimmicke Shoppe. I mean, Lord knows you can't keep going, "Sock it to me!" forever, but still. [BOMP.]
Commercials. I cannot tell you how much I despise these commercials where the athletes turn into crumbling rock. If I wanted to see creepy footage of people's bodies disintegrating to the point where they are no longer recognizable as human forms, I'd be watching Extreme Makeover, now, wouldn't I?
Music that is mellow but drum-heavy welcomes us back to Botswana, where a wide variety of animals are trying to forget the presence of the cameras and act natural. We find Phil at Khwai Village, where most of the time, the locals are left in peace. Not right now, obviously. And at Khwai River Lodge, we find our pit stop. We revisit old footage of the teams arriving yesterday, as Phil sets out to refresh our memories regarding where we left off. Phil refers to the "increasing tension" between Ron and Kelly as we watch them eat. He also wonders whether Meredith and Gretchen can keep on keeping on, in spite of the fact that if they have one more bad finish, they will be restricted to riding in remote-controlled cars and paying for everything in counterfeit money from a Branson, Missouri souvenir shop with Mel Tillis's face on it.
12:45 AM. Here go Rob and Amber. In the lead. Again. The clue instructs them to fly to Lucknow, India, but it's not going to be a simple process. Phil explains that this 5,000-mile trip will end at a religious palace, and that in keeping with the weird way this season has been planned, they've been assigned tickets to Mumbai, and only have to book their own tickets from Mumbai to Lucknow. And before that, they'll have to sign up for a charter flight to Francistown, Botswana that will depart in the morning. Rob and Amber seem fascinated but wary about the prospect of going to India, which is probably about right if they've seen the show before. They note that they've been given $125 for the leg. As they head for the signup sheet for the charter, Rob voices over that with five teams left, it will start to get more difficult. "You've got five teams left now, and they're all really strong teams. One little mistake could be the end of you." And he needs to stop channeling Ralph Macchio with that bandana tied around his head, but it's good to see him showing flashes of humility. They sign up for the morning charter.