Amazing Race
Muscles (and Other Things) in Brussels

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Build Me Up, Buttercup

Andy and Tommy find the clue in the bicycle in second place, Ernie and Cindy in third, Amani and Marcus in fourth, and Jeremy and Sandy in last, as usual. Back to their cabs, where they ride to a place downtown called "Concert Noble." Inside the building, Bill and Cathi find the curtained off dressing areas off the front lobby and we hear, but don't see, as they react with predictable horror. "I'm going to be in clothes that I wouldn't take a shower in," Cathi says. "Speedo time! Tommy sings from behind the curtain. We also hear but don't see Cindy going in and wailing at Cathi, "What are you wearing?" "What you're going to be wearing, hon," Cathi says, and emerges in what she thinks is the smallest bikini she's ever worn. "You look better than we do," she tells the waiting bodybuilders. Maybe, but Bill and Cathi look better in those tiny outfits than I will in my sixties. They might even look better in them than I would now.

Jeremy and Sandy arrive at the concert hall next, and Amani and Marcus show up just in time to see their fellow racers wandering half-naked through the lobby. Luke, the bodybuilder that Bill and Cathi selected to teach them, starts showing them how to spray the tan on while the snowboarders watch. Tommy interviews that he wasn't comfortable in the tiny Speedo, like anyone would be who either doesn't do this regularly or has the exquisite lack of self-awareness that seems to go with old fat guys who wear them on public beaches. Cindy comes out in her bikini, and she's clearly having a rougher race than I thought because she's looking all bruised up from the waist down like a derby girl. Maybe that Legoland ride yesterday bashed her around more than I realized. Andy hurries Tommy through the application of his tan-oil. Amani doesn't even want to come out in her bikini, leaving Marcus standing out there in his thong trying to coax her out. "We're good, you look sexy," he tells her, not incorrectly. Amani interviews that she doesn't know if she's ever worn a bikini. "Ever. Ever!"

All the teams are painting each other up, Ernie seeming to enjoy watching the snowboarders at it a bit too much. Cathi says while Bill paints her, "Our kids are just gonna die when they see us in this little clothing. I'm gonna die, so you know, it's gonna be a family death." Heh. Ernie feels pretty good about having his tan on. Now that everyone's properly pigmented, it's time to start learning the poses. It's about as embarrassing as you might imagine. "My business is hanging out," Cindy says while in a wide-legged crouch. Andy's snowboarding injuries are getting in the way of some of the poses for him, making it difficult to throw his shoulders back like he's supposed to. Amani just wants to get it right the first time so she doesn't have to do it again. Marcus confesses to being a little clumsy, but Amani's happy to help coach him, Full Monty-style.

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Amazing Race

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