Amazing Race
Nanna Is Kickin' Your Butt

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With the panic of arrival over, he-Jordan makes friends with Carol and Brandy by performing his Caite impersonation for them. They know who he's talking about right away. Caite can hear them, but takes it in good grace. The cowboys, meanwhile, get the idea to exchange their money. "I guess Brazil's the money we're supposed to get," Cord says at the counter. Too bad they're going to Chile. It's like they're thinking, "Eh, close enough." Caite talks to Team Undercover about how people expect her to be a bitch, and, Brent adds, "the lesbians go, 'Where's her tiara?'" Walking to the gate for their later flight through Miami, Brandy says, "We're praying for weather in Dallas, and/or a major mechanical failure."

So then the very first prayer of the season gets answered. Hopefully God is like, "Okay, that's it. You're done. Quit bugging Me until you get home." The first three teams learn about a delay in their flight, which has been pushed back ten minutes. "I will freak out," Jordan says. They seem to be overreacting, until the gate agent says they're probably going to have to switch planes. Okay, that's a setback.

After the ads, that's all Adrian needed to hear; he and Dana go to the podium to check on different flights. Fortunately there is one -- leaving in about an hour, through Miami. Sound familiar? "Better that than losing the day," the agent correctly points out. From where he and Jordan are sitting, Jeff sees what's going on, and Jordan asks if they should do the same. And in case you didn't see them on Big Brother last season, I'm just going to tell you right now that this is going to be their dynamic for the season. They make the swap, as do Monique and Shawne.

"Oh, suh-nap!" he-Jordan says as they see the former lead teams arriving, just as boarding is about to begin. Level playing field, table for 22. "There is that mechanical failure I was praying for," Brandy says to their faces, but everyone has a good laugh. She should be clear that she was praying for it to happen on the ground.

"Is this your first time out of the country?" Jeff asks Jordan as they walk down the jetway. She just laughs shyly. So I guess he didn't take her to Hawaii after all. The plane takes off, and the Amazing Red Line goes over to Miami, then threads the needle between Guatemala and Brazil before alighting in Santiago. No sign of China. Phil narrates that upon landing, they next have to hop buses to Valparaiso, sixty miles away. And it's a funicular town, as we see. The Amazing Race can never resist a funicular. "Valparaiso is known as the San Francisco of South America," Phil announces, in reference to the steep hills of the coastal city. When they get there, they'll have to get to the top of something called the Ascensor Villaseca to find their next clue.

So everyone lands in Santiago, and there's a bit of a scramble for buses, which fortunately for them are very clearly marked. You have to pay the driver. Jordan|Jeff, Brent|Caite, Dana|Adrian, and Monique|Shawne are all on the first bus, leaving at 12:15. Yikes, that sounds like it's almost been a full day since they left L.A. A bunch more teams are about to get onto a 12:20 bus, but Jet and Cord run into trouble trying to pay with Brazilian reals. "Should I admit this?" Jet asks in an interview. "You should," Cord says. Jet admits, "The closest thing they had to Chilean money in Los Angeles was Brazilian money." Carol and Brandy feel bad for them, but not bad enough to hang around with them while they go back into the airport to change their reals into something they can use. As they shouldn't. That means Carol and Brandy are the only ones on the 12:20 bus, and they know of at least three teams behind them. As Jet and Cord finally get on the same bus with Team Undercover, and Jody|Shannon, Jet observes, "Apparently you're better off in Chile with American money than you are with something else. Brazilian money, that doesn't work here." I fear they are not long for this race, unless they have learned their lesson that you can't really get away with rounding to the nearest country.

The first bus arrives in Valparaiso, and Jordan and Jeff hold onto their lead as the cab-wrangling commences. Brent|Caite and Monique|Shawne are behind them, followed by Dana and Adrian in fourth. Then the second bus arrives, with Joe and Heidi in fifth, and Steve|Allie in sixth.

She-Jordan keeps covering her eyes as Jeff and her cab speed through traffic. Miss Team USA still passes them, though. They're the first to arrive at the top of the hill, and they open the clue in a crouch to avoid detection. It's a Road Block!

"In a city where you can see old-fashioned laundry lines strung between windows," Phil narrates, "daredevils have expanded the concept into the ultimate rite of passage: cable walking." This is not to be confused with tightrope walking; while you do walk along a cable for this, you also have a cable overhead to hold onto with your hands, so this is theoretically something that can be accomplished without years of training. There's even a safety harness and everything in case someone does take a tumble, like that would ever happen. Phil says they'll be 120 feet above the ground on a cable the length of a football field, which is like Phil's standard unit of measurement. Their next clue is waiting for them on the other side of the valley. Brent drafts Caite for this one. Caite excitedly leads the way to the platform, saying she has no fear of heights and wants to win. Have to give her props for her competitive spirit. Such as.

Jordan and Jeff's cab pulls up. As they read the clue, we see that it reads, "Who has the balance of a cat and the courage of a lion?" Since Jeff's fear of heights is greater than Jordan's, she's taking this. Caite is already out on the cable, loving life and even encouraging Jordan as she comes out behind her. "It's windy as ____!" Miss Teen South Carolina hollers down to the world.

Dana|Adrian and Monique|Shawne both seem to have cabdrivers who are lost, and having trouble with the concept of uphill. So the next teams to arrive at the clue are Joe|Heidi, Dan|Jordan, and Steve|Allie. Joe, Dan, and Allie, respectively, will be taking the Road Block. Dan says he isn't scared. "I mean, if I fall and something breaks, that's just the way it goes." Okay, then. As Steve starts hauling his and Allie's bag to the meeting point on the far side of the valley, he takes a moment to get choked up about his daughter's balance and courage. Dan joins the two women on the cables, followed by Joe. And there's Allie, too, with their partners all calling encouragement up from below. I should add that there are multiple sets of cables, so it's not like anyone is going to be shaking anyone else off. Brandy decides to take this one for her and Carol, "In about a nanosecond," as Carol says, but then there's a whole montage of Brandy trying not to freak out. Once she's out on the cable, she's the first one who starts shaking. And this looks like a situation where, once you start shaking, the vibration keeps bouncing back to you and amplifying itself. Brandy's in for a long cable-walk.

Caite's already finished, so she and Brent are still in the lead. Phil says that now it's time to use "one of Valparaiso's 120-year-old funiculars, the Ascensor Artilleria" back down the hill to get to their next clue. They leave at a jog. "Funiculars!" Brent says, leaving them no excuse for what they're about to do.

The third bus to Valparaiso is just now arriving. "Drive it like you stole it, my brother," Michael or Louie says to their cab driver as they head out in ninth place. And they would know. Team Nana precedes the Cowboys off the bus. "Don't let her age fool you," Cord says. "She runs marathons, so the drive that she has to have just to keep going has to be amazing." Spoken like someone racing behind her. She and her granddaughter are in tenth, meaning the Cowboys are in last place. This must be difficult for them to adapt to, coming as they do from a sport where a longer time is often a good thin

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