Monique|Shawne and Dana|Adrian have finally arrived at the clue. Monique nominates Shawne, and Dana tells Adrian to do it.
She-Jordan is nearly across the cable, but showing signs of fatigue. I'd draw a parallel to her record of never winning any endurance-based Head of Household challenges on that other show, but I can't actually remember and I'm not about to go back and look. He-Jordan says that Dan is doing an awesome job, just before Dan falls off his cable. Don't worry, though -- Dan's still got a grip on his walking cable, and the three safety cords have a grip on Dan. He dangles there, wondering what to do now. He-Jordan calls up, "Try and lift yourself up. Bro, just try and zhuzh yourself along with your hands, or kick your feet up maybe." "Zhuzh"? Queer eye for the straight racer. Dan figures out how to pull himself along the cable with his hands, like that Detour in Prague last season, which he-Jordan loves. Brandy, meanwhile, is making her cables vibrate like guitar strings, praying for help. I bet she'd trade that mechanical failure for a little assist right now.
After the ads, she figures out how to sit down on the walking cable without letting go of the one overhead. Coffee break! Shawne has started across, continually repeating, "God is with me." Meanwhile, Adrian is getting strapped into his harness, either boasting or trying to psyche himself up. "I'm the big dog. Big dog gotta roar, right?" Uh, no. Dana says he took it for his strength, as opposed to having taken it because she told him to. But she's concerned about how a guy his size will manage. He does look pretty big out on that cable. He whispers encouragement to himself. Brandy does the same, repeating "I can do this I can do this" until she gets to her feet and switches to "I am doing this I am doing this." She-Jordan finally makes it to the end, worn out. She and Jeff get their clue, but Jeff doesn't know what a funicular is. And he's the brains of the operation.
Speaking of brains, Brent and Caite walk right past the funicular ticket booth at the top of the hill and take the stairs instead. Cue a percussive fail noise, which is already in danger of becoming "Caite's Theme" this season. Dan finishes the cable-walk as Jordan and Jeff get directions to the funicular from the locals. "Oh, that's the Thing!" Jeff realizes. Dan and Jordan are right behind them boarding, so it's a very Jordan-rich environment in that funicular down the hill. Jeff breaks the news that Caite and Brent are "pretty far ahead." "I guess I underestimated that team," he-Jordan overestimates, while she-Jordan admires the view of the harbor. It is pretty spectacular.
Brent and Caite do at least get to the clue box at the bottom of the hill first. "Time to paint the town," the clue reads. Then, over a montage of what looks like the street set of the Too Close for Comfort of South America, Phil tells us that Valparaiso is all about the multicolored homes. Although it's more accurate to say that each home is a different bright color, but you get the idea. "So much so that when the salt air damages the paint, the city pays for the homes to be restored. Now teams must join in this beautification effort." Is the city kicking in on the million-dollar prize?
Suddenly we're in an alley, with eleven wooden ladders leaned up against the wall. At the foot of each ladder are four cans of brightly colored paint and a pair of paintbrushes. Phil says each team must choose the paint and supplies and carry them up steep Templeman Street until they find a house that's the same bright color as the paint they chose. Then they have to paint "an unfinished section of the house." Which is like about a square yard or two of white area, so whatever. Clearly the carrying and finding is going to be the hard part. Then they'll get their next clue. Caite picks up four cans of coral red, leaving the ladder for Brent to carry. He tries to hurry her along as they wander the streets in search of their job site, even busting out with a "Crikey!" I remind you that Brent is from South Carolina. They confess to some frustration. Rather! Cor, blimey!
Meanwhile, the two teams that have Jordans in them have reached the end of their funicular ride. Next thing we see, Jordan and Jeff are picking out their team color, baby blue, while Dan and Jordan pick yellow. None of them wants to go uphill, though, so they're in for a long walk. And Jordan is carrying her ladder crossways up the street, so Jeff takes it away from her before she breaks someone's car window or mirror. So he's carrying everything for them. Remember what I said earlier about their dynamic? This is part of it, too.
Allie says, "This is what the race is all about," just before finishing the cable walk. Joe and Heidi are close behind. Brandy is still out there, about to throw up. You don't want to be under her when that happens. Shawne's closing the gap, but Adrian is just inching along.
At the funicular station, Steve calls out to Joe to come this way. He explains how he's spent his life in team sports. "I help you, you help me," he explains. He gets that his team only consists of him and Allie, right? No? On board the funicular, Joe gives Allie props for passing him on the cable. I think we're watching the birth of an alliance.
Brandy looks wrung-out as she climbs off the cable, although I don't hear her whispering to herself, "I have done this I have done this." She later interviews that it was a cool feeling to know she didn't give up. "You have no idea how hard that was," she tells Carol as they walk to the funicular. No, actually we can tell by looking at her.
Brent|Caite meet up with Jordan|Jeff on a street corner, still not having found where they're supposed to be. The only direction left to go is uphill, so there they go. "Nothin's ever easy," Jeff says. He hasn't seen the size of the patch they have to paint.
Louie and Michael arrive at the Road Block and Louie's taking it. Adrian's still out there, telling himself to keep his eyes up. Shawne finishes the task, so she and Monique are in eighth place. Louie is already closing in on Adrian, and even encourages him as he catches up. Which is undeniably sportsmanlike of him, but given Adrian's slow progress, it's also clear that Louis can afford to.
The last two teams are still in their cabs, talking about each other and their impending battle for last place. That's actually not going to be much of a battle.
Steve and Allie get their clue in fourth and pick out red. They may end up wishing they hadn't. Joe and Heidi are in fifth place. Meanwhile, Jeff calls encouragement back to his partner as they make their way up the hill. She interviews that he's like a coach. "She gets more motivated when I have all the packs, running uphill," Jeff says. That is not the case here; she's carrying not only her own pack, but two of the four paint cans. Whereas Jeff is slacking, lightly burdened with only the other two paint cans, his pack, and the ladder. And all the thinking, of course. They soon find a house that matches the color of the paint they're carrying, except that little white patch that they should be able to cover in a few minutes. Brent and Caite find their coral house soon after. Carol and Brandy ride the funicular down alone and get their clue in sixth place. They pick green. Is that color description not specific enough? Well, as they walk down the street, one of them says, "We're looking for a Martha Stewart Seafoam Green, From the 1997 collection. Before jail." Meanwhile, Jordan and Jeff finish painting, and get their next clue in first place.
It's to the Pit Stop, Palacio Baburizza. "This ninety-year-old chalet is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race," Phil says. "The last team to check in here may be eliminated." Don't worry, they won't. Jordan and Jeff catch their cab to the Pit Stop before Caite and Brent are finished painting. But a moment later, accepting their clue form the local painter, Caite says, "Danke." Thanking someone in German in a Spanish-speaking country? Some people really don't have maps.
Louie is widening his lead on a visibly struggling Adrian. "These wires aren't made for heavy guys," he commiserates, even though he's doing fine.
Jody and Shannon quickly decide that Shannon will be doing the Road Block, since she has better balance. In other balance news, Cord gets his cowboy hat knocked off by his cab's closing trunk lid. But obviously Cord is doing this Road Block. I mean, come on, his name is Cord.
Meanwhile, as Jody starts schlepping her and her granddaughter's crap to the meeting point, she says, "I have the balance of a drunken elderly person on stilts." Awesome.
Adrian isn't doing much better than Jody would have. Finally, with a yell, he topples backward and is left dangling helplessly from his cable. Unlike Dan, he doesn't even have a grip with his hands. "Okay, that wasn't good," Dana says. And then the commercials hit, leaving him hanging.
All, right, I'm sorry. Geez.
After the ads, a figure identified by the red subtitle "SAFETY SPECIALIST" monkeys out to where Adrian has been in suspense this whole time (sorry, again). Dana is more worried about Adrian than anything else. The guide tells Adrian, "Now we go slowly back to the other side." Adrian wants to try pulling himself back up, and the guide is like, "Knock yourself out." Which Adrian very nearly does before admitting defeat and agreeing to allow the guide to tow him back to the starting platform. Now that's embarrassing.
Louie, meanwhile, finishes up so that he and Michael can get their clue in eighth place. Michael sees the word funicular in the clue and says, "Sounds fun." Can't spell funicular without it. They holler encouragement back to Adrian as they leave. Adrian is just now returning to the starting platform, asking to be removed from his harness. So he's...done? Dana calls across that he has another chance. If he'll just take it.
The majestic, sweeping theme of Cowboys In Last Place accompanies Cord's