Amazing Race
No Babies On The Race

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Over Before It Even Staah-ted

Commercials. What music kept Kevin and Drew going? I'm not even going to say anything, because it would all be rude, and I would get emails with frowny faces in them.

We return to find Charla and Mirna huddling on the dock for warmth. I really, really wish I were making that up. Seriously. They are huddling. And talking about what a disadvantage they're at. It's like something from Dr. Zhivago-my-God-shut-up.

On the Guido/BQ boat, one of the BQs comments that Charla and Mirna will be in rough shape. And then she laughs. Because it's appropriate to do so. When they and the Guidos get to the post office and pull the clue, it's taken by Kandice and Bill. Joe advises Bill not to cry when reading the letter. Ha! As they start looking through papers, Joe reminds Bill lightheartedly not to ruin his manicure, and Kandice comments, "I wish I had a manicure for this." Joe says that she can use his buffer later. "Thank you, darling," Kandice says. Heh. I'm liking the BQs a lot better, for sure, especially if they get on with old-school cool people. In which group I am now including Team Guido, because I just follow the breezes of my whim.

In the Rob and Amber and Uchenna and Joyce boat, people look stressed. Uchenna interviews that he felt "the tension of competition" in the boat. Uchenna appears to say that he "felt the desire to beat Rob and Amber" after "the Charla and Mirna lie," but it's a very suspiciously chopped-up quote. I certainly hope that he wouldn't be enough of a bonehead to complain about the lie after he and his wife were laughing about it. I mean, if you eat the first lie, you can't very well get righteously indignant about what was fairly obviously a lot of screwing around at the dock after the fact, in which Amber was merely throwing Charla's self-righteous "poor me" routine back in her face. I think, fortunately, that Uchenna's not claiming he had anything to complain about.

Charla and Mirna wait on the docks. Will they be captured by the Visigoths? Only time will tell. I wonder if the Visigoths are cannibals at all.

Bill finds the letter for him and Joe, and he runs outside to read it. And here's what we hear Bill read: "Yes yes, y'all, feel the friction in my diction, funky fresh to death, flippity flip flop, hip to the hippety hop hop, eeeeee, ahhhhhh, poobety, pibbety pow, bing, bang, kappooey, I hope reading this annoyed you as much as you annoy me." And if you don't know by now that this is the work of Loud Pushy Frank, I cannot help you. Hee. Joe and Bill laugh hysterically, because you can't not love Loud Pushy Frank. He's loud and pushy! In an interview, they simply say that it was so "creative" that they "loved it." Heh. "It didn't annoy us at all," Joe says with perfect fuck-you bitchiness. I love Joe a little, but don't tell him.

As Bill and Joe take off from the Roadblock, Kandice keeps hunting. They wonder whether their letter will be from Lyn and Karlyn. Heh. Bill and Joe leave, with Joe all, "Don't drive me crazy running!" You can tell they're a little older than they were last time. But delightfully so. Finally, Kandice unearths their letter. It turns out that it is written by Lyn, and apparently, Karlyn didn't participate for whatever reason. Lyn's letter acknowledges issues between the teams, but signs off "TAR 10 for the win, Lyn." I always knew Lyn was the nice one. In an interview, Dustin reminds us that Karlyn was the one they hated, in case you forgot, although her words are that Karlyn was "less warm." As they leave with their clue, they're still shocked that they really did, after all, get a letter from, as they say, "'Bama."

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