Amazing Race
Not-So Gran Torino

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Turin About

Rachel spends the whole break crying, but when we come back, Brendon asks her what happens when best friends fight. "They make up," Rachel sobs. I don't know why she's crying -- the ones I feel bad for are the poor salami vendors who have to stand there and witness this nonsense.

Bopper and Mark get a better view from the top of the spire than any of the other teams did, with the lavender evening sky over Turin. The bad news is that this also means it's getting late and they're still in last place. Jamie balances her and Nary's statue's shiny white head back onto the neck saying, "Josephine's ready for her toga party." They get their Pit Stop clue in fifth place. Joey "Fitness" and Danny make it to the mat and ask Phil how he's doin'." "I'm doin' all right," Phil New Yawks, and checks them in as team number three. Rachel is trying to taste salami through her tears, saying, "It sucks that all the people that hate us and have been making fun of us are gonna win." Well, not all of them, but Vanessa and Ralph are team number four, at least.

It's now getting really dark at the plaza, but Brendon and Rachel's mood has lightened considerably, which can only mean things are going better for them now. Sure enough, they finally finish guessing all the salamis and get their clue in sixth place, just before Nary and Jamie jump onto the mat in fifth place. Kerri and Stacy are seen completing the salami task on what looks like the first try, and then Brendon and Rachel finish the leg officially in sixth, with Rachel braying to Phil and the greeter, "DiGiorno!" Oh, good god. Phil tells them they're team number six. After the leg, Rachel interviews, "Sometimes we act more like frenemies than best friends. Brendon teases, "Even when she doesn't want to marry me, she really does and that's just her trying to get back at me for being mean to her, so neither one of us should be yelling at the other." Fuck both of them. We all know they'll never break up because nobody else can stand either of them, so they can look forward to a long, happy life together of making everyone around them miserable.

Bopper and Mark are making good progress on cleaning their statue under the floodlights, not that I can understand anything they're saying. Mark says this is the most fun they've had on the race and gives Bopper a quick blast with the pressure washer. As the waggish owner hands Bopper their clue, he asks if they're engaged. Instead of some backwoods homophobia, Bopper just cracks, "You think I'd engage something that ugly?" Back to their car to get their asses to the Pit Stop.

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Amazing Race

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