Amazing Race
Not Worth Their Salt

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 58 USERS: A-
Zip It, Bingo

Team NFL, Ephraim and Chester, get their start at 3:13 AM in fourth place. Baseball wives Nicky & Kim are one minute behind them, which means they're effectively together the moment they step off the mat. Ephraim guesses that the museum is probably closed, which Chester thinks is a no-brainer at three in the morning. The football players interview about how large they are (Ephraim stands 6'8" and 280 pounds, while Chester prefers the less specific "We big!") and they laugh at the very idea of running there at three in the morning. Racers are beginning to catch this particular snap, producers. It won't be much longer before they follow it to its logical conclusion: there's also probably no reason to get out of bed and camera-ready at two in the morning just because you say so.

The Blondes V.23.0, Ally & Ashley, have a little trouble with their clue envelope as they get started at 3:20, in sixth place. That happens; envelopes can be tricky and fumbling it a bit doesn't mean you're dumb. But they are in an alliance with Leo & Jamal, which is dumb. Ally says that the Afghanimals refer to them as their "race wives" because they have a deeper commitment than they would with mere "race girlfriends." As for what their relationship will be when both teams are in sequester, I'm sure we'll find out soon. Speaking of the Afghanimals, they open their clue at 4:00 p.m. sharp in seventh place. They're also going on about the whole "race wives" thing, and seem to be doing their very best to revive Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd's "Wild and Crazy Guys" bit for a new millennium. I mean, Afghanistan is the new Czechoslovakia, right?

Nicole & Travis are just now catching up with Tim & Marie outside the museum, and angling for the second Express Pass already by dropping mention of how it's now Nicole's 40th birthday. "We'll see," is all Marie says. Which everyone knows means no.

The three remaining teams who flew into Iquique on the second flight yesterday leave in fairly quick succession: dating couple Jason & Amy at 5:17 AM, Okies Tim & Danny at 5:28 AM, and finally the hirsute Brandon & Adam at 5:34. That last team acts as though their $598 allowance for this leg is all of their money right now. Possibly in the world.

At the dock near the floating museum, it sounds for a moment as though some kind of guide or task judge has shown up to take charge and instruct all the racers on how to arrange their backpacks in the order in which they arrived. This is unusual, because such personnel is generally not provided for this purpose by either the production or by the various venues, unless there are shoe-removal or head-covering regulations that need to be enforced. And then I realize that the person giving orders as though she works here is A) American, B) sporting blonde-and-pink hair, and C) Marie. Apparently she's just telling everyone what to do so as to avoid having someone jump in front of her and Tim, as though that's been a regular issue since Chip's "integrity" meltdown during TAR 4. I guess she can do what she wants as long as everyone wants a second Express Pass from her, but at some point she might as well be tattooing "PLEASE U-TURN ME" on her forehead. Ephraim half-kiddingly protests, and Marie half-seriously asserts her authority, pointing out that he's doing what she said anyway. Maybe, but not because she said it. Jamal refers to her and Tim as "Pinky and No-Brain," complaining in an interview that somebody made them line captains and they were all like, "Riiight." I'm starting to think that Marie's just the kind of person who makes herself line captain wherever she goes.

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Amazing Race




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