Amazing Race
Oh My God, The Teletubbies Go To War

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Have Guam, Will Travel

And then it's morning, and...American flag! Military personnel standing at ease! It's 6:50 AM, and they've already done more than you will do all day! Eric is still talking about wanting Danny and Oswald eliminated. Dude. It is a game. What is wrong with him? I've seen people get in fights where there is actual cock-punching who don't stay mad for this long. When it turns to 7:00, the teams rush forward and pick out military escorts. The BQs are with someone named Kyle, and Mirna is being inflicted on someone named Frederick. Poor Frederick. On the way to where they're going, Dustin asks Kyle whether it's "inspiring" to work at the base, and he tells her that it is. Dustin's girl-crush on the entire U.S. military seems like a little much to me, but I suppose it's her business. The BQs are first to the tower, and they start to run up the stairs. Eric and Pink are behind them. Then come Charla and Mirna and Danny and Oswald, who start out basically together, but it looks like the steps are going to be slow going for Charla.

At the top of the tower, the BQs find the clue box and tear it open, and it's a Detour. As Phil strolls under the nose of a jet, he says that teams are choosing between two "routine activities" carried out here. Your choices are Care Package or Engine Care. In Care Package, you go to a warehouse where you participate in a "humanitarian relief" thing, by filling a box with supplies for locals. When they have 500 pounds of stuff, they'll participate in an "air drop training exercise." Meaning that they aren't dropping their actual box, nor is there any indication that their actual box will ever be dropped. They are packing a box, and they are participating in a training exercise of dropping a box. But packing and dropping their box? It doesn't appear so, anyway. In Engine Care, you clean the "engine pod" of a B-52 bomber. Dustin and Kandice decide that they can wash a plane faster than they can participate in all this "training exercise" stuff, so they take that option. Eric and Pink also choose the cleaning, even though Pink is sort of skeptical and nervous about how big the planes are. Oswald and Danny choose the plane. Charla and Mirna choose the Care Package, which Charla says is because she "like[s] to help people." Now...I don't doubt that she likes to help people; I'm sure that's sincere. But I dearly wish she would just say that she chose this because she thought it would be faster. She and Mirna aren't suicidal -- they know that the two of them are in no shape to wash a bomber. I respect the racing decision to go with the other Detour, but it is a TRAINING EXERCISE. There is no indication that the handful of minutes they're going to "donate" while simply trying to finish the task as quickly as possible are really going to "help people." Nor do I think they would ever have chosen this on the basis that it would "help people" if they didn't also think they could do it faster. You got morality play in my game show!

Over at Engine Care, the BQs get suited up in their cleaning gear. Eric and Pink and Oswald and Danny do the same. Meanwhile, Mirna is yelling at Charla: "Charla, can you RUN?" Charla, of course, is running already. I'd think Mirna has been working with Charla long enough to have figured out that even when Charla runs, she's still slow. Her legs are short. This is physics. Dragging her doesn't help; yelling at her doesn't help. Her legs. Are. Short. I just wish Mirna would shut up about it, because I'm sure Charla feels conspicuous enough as it is, you know? When they get to the packaging thing, Mirna starts hurling armloads of crap into the box like she's stuffing it into an incinerator. Because she likes to help people! "Put it in with some degree of love, okay?" the supervising military guy asks. "Don't just throw it like it's garbage." In other words, "You're not helping, but at least don't break shit that we will eventually give away to someone."

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Amazing Race

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