Amazing Race
Oh, Wow! It's Like One Of Those Things You See On TV!

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Birdcages, Flowers, And John McCain

Previously on You Phil Up My Senses Like A Night In The Forest: The teams headed for Mongolia, where they tackled a Detour with a broken ox for every drop of rain and a stubborn knot for every falling star. Dustin and Kandice had to suffer through the drama of being unable to find a helmet, while Sarah had to suffer through the drama of being unable to lose a jackhole. A Roadblock involving the flinging of flaming arrows in the general vicinity of a lot of Mongolians with carefully paid-up liability insurance turned out to be such a problem for an already trailing Jamie and Kellie that they had to head for the pit stop without finishing it. They are so going to hear about this at the next pep rally, where they will be taunted with chants of "Wel-come, quit-ters! [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]" the cheerleaders were Philiminated, and they went off to lick their wounds and polish their saddle shoes. Hope you girls had a good time. Nine teams left -- who will be eliminated... next?

Watching old episodes recently (oh, shut up, I was cleaning my apartment), I was surprised to remember that we all used to be so naïve that they blatantly told the teams whether someone would or wouldn't be knocked out at the end of the leg. We were all so much younger then. It's like watching old ice skating footage where there was no jumping, and it was just Dick Button gliding around in a suit.

Credits. I wonder if there's a network directive involving pretty boys only appearing playing basketball with their waxed chests exposed. Maybe it's supposed to make them look more vulnerable, like endangered dolphins, to take your mind off their tendency to dominate.

Commercials. Yeah. AOL is totally the king of airtight security. I trust them with my life. Save me, AOL! With your many unsolicited disks and your ubiquitous sound files!

We fade in on Mongolia, where Phil explains that their nomadic culture is 800 years old. So the average CBS viewer should feel right at home. Phil says the temple he's now standing in front of was the second pit stop. Looks a little isolated there. I think we are off the Mongolian interstate, so I wouldn't expect any gas stations attached to Burger Kings. ("Burgers King"?)

6:54 AM. Peter and Sarah. He starts the day by giving her this irritating little nudge, like he's kicking a washing machine to make it run. He's creeping me out. The clue tells them to fly to Hanoi, Vietnam, which Phil says is over 2300 miles. And, if you're with Flo, even longer than that. Hotcha! (But I kid Flo, because I love.) Phil further exposits that in Hanoi, the teams will head for the infamous prison known as the Hanoi Hilton. You may recall that one John McCain spent some time here. I have no joke for this, because the idea of spending eternity with fire licking at my ankles does not appeal to me. Sarah further reads that the teams are getting absolutely no money for this leg. Normally, this might induce gasping, but it's kind of hard to feel sorry for them about the lack of funds when it gets put right after the "prisoners of war" part. The rest of this whole leg is like that: "Yeah, you have to pack coal. Which is better than being a prisoner of war." "Yeah, that cab was really slow. Faster than you'd be able to travel as a prisoner of war, of course." Sarah also reads instructions telling teams what travel agency they are required to use for tickets -- it's at something called the Chinggis Khan Hotel. In the back of the car, Sarah reminds us that she's still on the bum prosthetic with the blown knee, and it's going to slow her down. She's glad they have a lead, because she thinks they might need it. Fortunately, she still has her ability to pre-board.

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Amazing Race

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