Amazing Race
Oh, Wow! It's Like One Of Those Things You See On TV!

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Birdcages, Flowers, And John McCain

Duke and Lauren find their way to the hotel, and they run into the other waiting teams. Same with Tom and Terry, then Dustin and Kandice. The group lines up outside the travel agency, and they're soon joined by Dave and Mary.

8:18 AM. Erwin and Godwin. Godwin says he's already won in his heart, because every moment of the race and "doing it with [his] brother" is a great opportunity. So that will be topping "I did it with my best friend," I guess, when it comes to the who'd-a-thunk-it quotient.

The Pointies make it to the hotel with help from what sounds like a friendly Australian. For some reason, Australians on television always appear friendly. I'm sure there are Australians who butt in line and don't tip, but for some reason, the ones on American TV are always nice. No wonder Olivia Newton-John did so well.

And now: drama. Basically, the travel agency opens, and there are four agents, and Tom and Terry don't get their asses to an agent, despite getting into the room where the agents are first. They walk right by one, in fact, so Dustin and Kandice walk up and speak with her. Tom realizes he fucked up, so he gets all bent out of shape, snotting about how they "cut the line," which they didn't. There's no cutting where the line has already given you everything it entitled you to, which is getting through the door and into the agency first. What you do after you get in there is up to you, and absent pushing and shoving, the fact that you don't go in the right direction is really a "too damn bad" kind of situation, it seems to me. It's very much a redo of the Esquire/Guido fight from season one, which also struck me as a whole lot of dumb. (You'll remember, that's when Sars first famously observed that it's The Amazing Race, not The Amazing Montessori School.) The line is a line for keeping order, not a line that grants you any entitlement to anything. If there weren't a door that required you to go in single file, I'd say you weren't required to form any kind of line at all. In other words, you're in line for the door, not the ticket agents. They got exactly what the line promised -- they got in the room before Dustin and Kandice, and had they handled it properly, they'd have gotten tickets first. James throws in an interview about how Dustin and Kandice are "conniving," but... that isn't conniving. That's just not pulling someone else over and saying, "Pardon me, but I think you did something that might disadvantage you, so do come over here and rectify it before it works to your disadvantage. Come now, and hurry!" It's like they don't want the girls to be fair; they want them to be Australian.

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Amazing Race

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