Amazing Race
One Of You, I'm Gonna Break In Half

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Soup to nuts
Previously on No, Thanks, I'm Not Hungary: Spazpants didn't understand how Gus and Hera beat him out for a flight, because the world is inside a snow globe and things only move if he tells them to. All the women went "sproing!" into the air at the bungee Roadblock. Everyone lived, although a few of them were slightly compacted. Speaking of compacted, little tiny cars proved to be a source of great stress, even more than little tiny girlfriends. Lori and Bolo's car screwed them over, wearing a boxy, kicky little grin the entire time, and they gradually fell farther and farther behind until they missed the last train to Budapest and looked to be so far behind that they could never catch up. Unless, that is, you had ever seen the show before. And for whatever reason, "To Be Continued" popped up with no leg-ending mat at the end of the episode. Uber-leg? Double elimination? Dramatic cliffhanger involving estranged parents or a case of mistaken identity? And...will anyone ever be Philiminated again?

Credits. In the credits of my imagination, Bolo and Lori hit each other in the face with pies after they're done wrestling. [BOMP.]

Commercials. Oh, indeed, the romance of heartburn. Clasp it to you tightly, and never let it go.

We return to the Eger train station, where it is raining like hell. And Lori and Bolo? Well, they are "Currently in Last Place." The letters do not go on, "To Say The Least," as they probably should. Bolo slings his pack onto his back and says he's off to check and make sure there aren't any other trains headed to Budapest. This is the first time you can kind of tell it's a scam, because we were specifically shown in the last episode that after being told there were no trains, Lori and Bolo decided to lie down on the benches at the train station and sleep until morning.

Speaking of which, over in Budapest, the rest of the bunched teams are on their way into the internet café at 10:00 PM. Kendra explains that three teams at a time were allowed in. And when Nuance, Gus and Hera, and Spazpants get in, they find that Phil has left them a little video message that comes up on their computers. I've had that dream, too, where Phil lives in my computer. Phil cheerfully says that to get their next clue, they have to use AOL email. Because you certainly would not do so for any other reason. On the apparent assumption that nobody has ever heard of AOL, Phil explains that they have to log onto AOL™ using a wireless™ Intel™ Centrino™ laptop™ that will tell them "You've Got Mail."™ Jonathan looks into the camera and sarcastically snarls, "Clicking into AOL is like communicating with my best friends [sic]." See? He thinks he's being witty, because he thinks it's so obvious that he's impatiently providing the product placement that they're making him give while he's trying to get his work done. Nice try, asshole. When they all actually open their email, it tells them to go by taxi to the Heritage Rail Museum. It's only about a three-mile trip, so it's not exactly the most taxing navigational challenge of their lives. At the museum, they'll have to ride in a little rail car that goes up to 50 miles an hour, down to the clue box. What's more, the rail museum doesn't open until 10:00 AM. So, to review: They arrived in Budapest and were required to do one task that opened at 10:00 PM and took about 45 seconds to complete, followed immediately by a task three miles away that opened at 10:00 AM. You know, there's reasonable bunching, and then there's the intentional wiping out of anything, no matter how serious, that might have happened to the team in the leg up to this point. This is just getting silly.

As Spazpants leaves the café with their clue, Jonathan snots, "R-A-C-E, race, Victoria." Because up to now, apparently, he's not sure she's noticed that he's all intense about winning. ["Also, don't be stepping on my lines, shorty." -- Sars] Hayden and Aaron go in next, and when they see the screen, Aaron grandly smiles and says, "Hey, Phil." It's really funny, but you kind of have to see it. It's kind of the way I always want to greet Phil also. And after Phil explains about the email in your inbox, Aaron says, "Thanks, Phil." Funny. He's really funny.

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Amazing Race

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