Amazing Race
One Of You, I'm Gonna Break In Half

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Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Soup to nuts

Commercials. Wow, Survivor, only with interior decorating. I cannot wait.

When we return, Lori and Bolo are still on their way to the internet café. When they get in, probably at something like 6:00 in the morning, just as the sun is starting to come up, Bolo is shocked to find that the café is actually open. He probably also notes that it didn't open until 10:00 last night. "Can you frickin' believe it?" he asks. She can frickin' believe it. Because it is frickin' true. They get online and get their clue, and when they note the 10:00 AM start time at the museum, Bolo realizes that the thing isn't even open yet, so obviously, catching up is well within reach. Outside, they snag another cab and ask to go straight to the Heritage Rail Museum. In case you're not catching the amusing thing about this, because they didn't go to the production-procured hotel, they're actually heading over there before anyone else. "We'll see what happens when we get there," Bolo says. And what happens when they get there is that there aren't any other teams. Indeed, Lori and Bolo are "Currently in 1st Place," although somebody fails to take the opportunity to put that unavoidably amusing caption on the screen. "This is when we run over everybody," Bolo comments. Hopefully not in the train car.

The rest of the teams grab cabs from the Hotel Fortuna to the museum. Which Jon inaccurately refers to as the "Historical Railway Museum," but honestly, he's so nice that I just don't care. The ability to keep words straight and in the proper order is highly overrated in men. In the Spazpants cab, Jonathan is using his Mental Magician Powers to try to explain to the driver that everyone is in a big race. And he -- the driver -- is part of the race. Well, except for the part where he doesn't get any of the money. That seems to me to be the little snag in this bit of brilliance, but then, what do I know? I'm not getting any money, either. The driver says "Yes," but he says it with that indulgent smile that you have to adopt in the service industry when dealing with buffoons.

The first team to join Lori and Bolo at the museum is Hornio. My favorite part is where Rebecca asks, "Did you find the internet place?" It would have been great if they had said, "No, was there an internet place? We were just guessing places in Budapest -- did we get it right?" Other teams arrive, but Spazpants is second to last, beating only Nuance, so it would appear that they didn't do that great of a job of inspiring their driver to brilliance by making him part of the race.

In other news, you knew, if you watched the show long enough, that there would be something that could only be called Gategate, and here it comes. The teams are all stopped behind a gate that rises on a hinge to the team's right -- so it goes up at an angle, much like the crossbar by the light rail tracks that are currently ruining my life and commute right by the Mall of America. Not that I am bitter. As the teams rush under the gate as fast as they possibly can in a giant clump -- not really the treatment the gate is designed for, of course -- it hits the top of its swing and then bounces back down, beaning both Hera and Freddy as it falls. Hera comments that "people are psycho," and Kendra asks Freddy if he's bleeding. The teams tear across the museum grounds, and as they go, Hera wonders aloud to Gus whether somebody tried to hold the gate down on purpose. Gus isn't sure. When the teams finally find the little post with the numbers on it for the next task, El Hornio and Jon go up and scuffle, going for the first number. They experience the tragedy of the commons, in that they are the first two guys there, but because they knock over the post fighting each other for number one, it falls over, Bolo and Hayden jump in, and the first person to get a number? Is Bolo. The numbers wind up all over the ground, and Hornio actually winds up in fourth. Way to shoot yourself in the foot. Poor kitty.

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Amazing Race

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