Amazing Race
One Of You, I'm Gonna Break In Half

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C | Grade It Now!
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Soup to nuts

Harron and Ayden jump in the pool. Pass. Score! Boy, this is exciting. I hope the Packers are this easy later today. Aaron looks nice in the suit as they're collecting their clue too, by the way. And as they're leaving, Aaron happily says, "I just totally burned that goalkeeper. He had no chance. I have a cannon for an arm. I'm going to be the Michael Jordan of water polo." (Miss Alli's Mom: "Oh, I could have scored on that goalkeeper.") They pile into their taxi and leave.

Spazpants plays in the water. Victoria scores the actual goal, because she has to do everything, unless there is the opportunity to shout "WOOOOO!" while doing it. They leave, but not soon enough for me.

Gus and Hera reach the Detour, and in their usual fashion, they choose the slower option -- in this case, Paddle.

Spazpants heads back to their taxi.

Gus and Hera work the hand pump to inflate their boat. And Nuance, "Currently In Last Place," is that final team to hit the Detour clue. Fortunately for them, they choose Swim. "It's going to take a lot longer to paddle across the Danube River than it is to get in the pool and throw a ball," Freddy observes. Right on, Freddy-O. Gus and Hera put their boat in the water. "Honey, I need you to row harder," Gus tells her. "It's hard, Daddy," she says. This does not bode well.

Lori and Bolo, meanwhile, are looking for the Fast Forward, and are concerned that their driver may not know exactly where he's going. And Lori still looks like she's been swallowing Zombie Pills. "We just went down this road," she complains. "This guy's lost," Bolo puts in. See? This is what happens when you do too much hooting and hollering.

Commercials. Did you know Minnesota runs commercials telling you to spend the winter in Minnesota? I think the universe just folded over itself into an origami loon.

When we return, it's still Lori and Bolo in the cab, looking for that Fast Forward. Having the longest and least interesting day ever, they are.

And back on the Danube, Gus and Hera are still paddling. He tells her to try quicker, shorter strokes. And they finally approach, and then reach, the flag. They get the clue sending them to the restaurant, and they need a taxi. Because in the story the show would like you to believe in, they are still in it.

Freddy and Kendra complete the water polo. With, apparently, one shot, like everyone else. They get the restaurant clue.

Lori and Bolo reach the Fast Forward at last, and they tell their taxi to wait while they go inside. They scurry down the stairs into the scary, scary tomb. Will they drink the blood? Will they? WILL THEY? Not to ruin the suspense for you, but...gulp, gulp, gulp. That about does it. They're probably grateful for the nutritional value, whatever it may be. I wonder what the Recommended Daily Allowance of hemoglobin is. The best Lori can come up by way of objection is a halfhearted "yuck." And I think she just feels kind of obligated. They read the clue, telling them that they can head directly to the pit stop, which is located at a place called Fisherman's Bastion. There, they'll go by foot or funicular up a hill to the mat. Last team there? "May be eliminated." And, in the coolest and funniest postscript to a Phil-over ever, right after he says "eliminated," we cut to a guy dressed all in black holding a whip. And he cracks it. So it's like, "May be eliminated -- [whhh-pchhhh!]." That was awwwwesome. It made Philimination sound kind of dangerous. And sexy.

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Amazing Race

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