Amazing Race
Panama

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Two Men, a Bad Plan, A Canal, Panama

The teams all mug on the train (as though there's an alternative, when you're dressed like Charlie Chaplin) as Sandy interviews that since they'll all be on the same train and the same flight to Panama, she and Jeremy can't make any mistakes, "Or we're going home." It's kind of cute that anyone still thinks that.

The Amazing Red Line does double duty now, squiggling briefly up to Amsterdam and then sweeping dramatically across the Atlantic as Phil narrates, "All teams are now making their way by train -- and plane -- to Panama City, Panama." Cut to the city itself, which of course the introductory b-roll portrays as a vibrant, active, exotic metropolis. One of these days The Amazing Race is going to find itself in a city where the people do nothing but sit in their homes staring at the walls, and I for one can not wait. Panama City also appears to have some kind of canal, it looks like. Hopefully that will be explained later.

The plane touches down and the teams (now with their backpacks and their normal clothes magically restored to them) race through the airport for taxis, a race Andy and Tommy win. Their driver seems pretty happy to have them, excitedly calling them banditos like it's a compliment. Jeremy and Sandy are the second team to get a cab, and they exhort their driver to go rapido. "Andale, andale," Jeremy unfortunately adds. Ernie and Cindy are the third team to hire a cab, and Amani and Marcus bring up the rear. In one of Marcus's odder moments, which is saying something, he shows Amani some magic rocks that a guy in the corridor allegedly told him to give to Andy and Tommy for bad luck. Marcus ends up throwing them out the window. Seriously? Magic rocks?

They either landed pretty late in the afternoon or this is a very long drive, because it's full dark by the time Andy and Tommy's cab stops in what looks like the middle of nowhere. Jeremy and Sandy's cab pulls in right behind them. "Shocker, they're always in front of us," Sandy gripes. Yeah, but so is almost everybody else most of the time. It's too dark to see what's going on, but through a combination of Jeremy hectoring Sandy and also hectoring her some more, Team Pre-Owned manages to get in one of the long, wooden canoes waiting at the riverbank before the snowboarders do. Their voyage commences like those of the locals for centuries untold, only in pitch-dark with gas motors on the backs of the boats and electric lamps on the heads of the passengers. "Homie's driving by the stars right now," Tommy says.

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Amazing Race

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