Amazing Race
Phil Is A Choo-Choo Charlie

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Miss Alli: B- | Grade It Now!
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Over And Over, They'll Be A Fool For You

In an effort to lighten the mood, the show offers Hayden and Aaron very half-assedly singing along with their cab driver. Not happening, people. You put a more fun couple in that cab and that's a great moment, but with these guys, I have to say, it looks completely forced. I find them so weirdly non-engaging, and for them to have been around for six episodes and me to have no particular opinion about their staying or going is more than a little unusual. I don't have anything against them, I just...who cares? They are the English muffin of the race. (I guess that doesn't make a lot of sense unless you know that I have discerned over time that English muffins are the one item on Earth about which I feel one hundred percent neutral, being neither pro- or anti-, as far as nooks and crannies.)

The teams get held up in Senegalese traffic, and Ejal explains to Jonathan that the holdup is the result of the fact that the president of Senegal is in town and creating all sorts of chaos. "The president of Senegog [sic] has blocked the road," Jonathan says in disbelief. And as he walks back toward the car, he says into the camera, "The president of Senegog is now in town." Victoria asks him at the cab what the deal is. "The president of Senegog is here today," he says. The Peppy Love Theme From What An Asshole plays as Jonathan talks to Ejal. Yes, that's three uses of the non-word "Senegog" in about ten seconds. I must admit that that moment, more than any other, made me really wonder whether at least some part of this really is a put-on. Can he possibly be stupid enough not to know the name of the country? Is he doing that to get on TV? The good thing is that it doesn't matter much, because a guy who thinks pretending to be an idiotic, wife-shoving, verbally abusive jerk is funny is just about as fucked-up as a guy who actually is all those things. So, if it's an act, it's not an act, if you get my drift.

Commercials. Chapstick will keep you from drying out. Hurry up and get some. Look how gross your mouth is. Who would kiss you?

When we return, we hear "Senegog" one more time, and then the teams make it to the ferry. What's news in this section is that after Spazpants gets held up and misses the first ferry, Jonathan tries to avoid being tied with Lori and Bolo by asking the boat guy to "detain" the rasslers and tell them they have the wrong tickets. I swear that there used to be a rule against intentionally impeding other teams' progress, but maybe there wasn't. Or there isn't anymore, which wouldn't surprise me, given how hard somebody seems to be working this season to slop up what used to be my favorite show. Despite Jonathan's plea, however, the boat guy does absolutely nothing to help him, as Lori and Bolo happily clamber onto the ferry with Spazpants. On the ferry, we also see El Hornio make a rather more concerted effort to discuss Rebecca's behavior than we saw. When he tells her how stupid it makes him feel when she yells at him as she did at the salt Roadblock, she sarcastically snipes, "I know. I should handle you more like a child." You know...if that's the way you feel about the guy, sister, don't bring him on the fucking trip to begin with. I hate people who bring teammates for whom they have nothing but contempt. If you hate the guy, then you may well be within your rights, but then...don't hang out with him, because then all you're doing is tormenting him. Short version? These people need to get away from each other, and it needs to happen, like, yesterday. And keep in mind, "yesterday" was already months ago.

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Amazing Race

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