Amazing Race
Quit Following Us

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M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Hysterical Landmarks

In the Nuancemobile, Freddy calmly observes,"Somebody's ahead of us." Jonathan pulls over and orders Victoria to drive. They swap places. Jonathan never misses an opportunity to set his wife up to fail, does he? "Looks like it's Jonathan and Victoria," Freddy comments as they cruise past. Once Victoria's in the driver's seat, she can't reach the pedals. Rather than give her a few seconds to figure out how to adjust the seat, Jonathan roars at her to get out, sending her into a pissed-off panic, which is not something you see every day. "You never help me with anything," Victoria complains as they swap again. "Why can't you just help me one time? One time, with something?" Jonathan doesn't seem to have a response to that. Can I answer?

Freddy follows his cabdriver right up to the flag. While he gets out and pays, Jonathan and Victoria pull up almost right behind them and bail out. Freddy is taking the time to pay and thank his cabbie, while Nuance's camera crew catches Jonathan and Victoria running past them. Surprisingly, Jonathan does not give away their presence by shrieking at her. But their lead is too small, and they're too slow, and Nuance, having paid, is now gaining on them. Jonathan tries to ditch his pack with a local, but Victoria drags him along, telling him there's no time. Yeah, she's really a weak competitor. We next see him unable to run with his pack on, which, as we've heard several times, is lighter than hers. No wonder he's so frustrated at all the ways she keeps slowing him down. Right now, she's slowing him down by running about a hundred feet ahead of him. Nuance is closing the lead. Then Jonathan is running ahead of Victoria, who is again reminding him that her pack is heavier. He tells her to leave it, and he dodges behind a sign, does just that with his, and sprints ahead. "Nooo, they're gonna take it!" she screeches, and diverts her course to where Jonathan has ditched his pack. When we next see Victoria, she is schlepping both packs. I can't believe Jonathan's making her carry all of his hats. She's running as fast as she can with their combined luggage, which isn't that fast, and crying hard. Seriously, she's not just weeping; she is screaming Jonathan's name, wailing like Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice, if Sophie had tried to make a dash for the fence with a kid under each arm. Jonathan is a good fifty yards ahead of his wife when Freddy takes Kendra's pack and they both pass Victoria. Victoria bellows in despair. I'm running out of synonyms for "scream." Jonathan comes back. "Why did you pick up my bag?" he yells at her as he rips it off her shoulder. "Why!?" So it wouldn't get stolen, asshole. Freddy and Kendra are team number one. Beating Jonathan to the mat redeems them somewhat for me. Phil tells them they've won a vacation in Mexico. Somebody should warn Kendra that parts of Mexico also have poverty and people breeding and breeding.

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Amazing Race

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