Amazing Race
Quit Following Us

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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Hysterical Landmarks

Lori and Bolo finally make it to the Roadblock on foot. Lori drives the soapbox racer. Bolo cheers her down the course, while she pretends not to be having fun. That would totally ruin her sour mood, after all. She finishes in about thirty-five seconds (although the clock keeps ticking after she crosses the line) and they're off to the pit stop.

Don and MJ arrive at the Roadblock. MJ also finishes in thirty-five seconds, but she can't seem to get her racer stopped. It buries itself in the hay bales at the end of the course. Crashing minor chords of a minor crash. Hay flies everywhere. Ooh, I think I saw Kristy and Lena's clue! MJ looks a little shaken as Don cackles happily. They leave for the pit stop as the caption says, "Don and Mary Jane: Currently in Last Place." I wonder why they still have the "Currently" in there, but then I realize that the guy who does the captions probably has a macro programmed.

Back at the Pit Stop, Hayden and Aaron are team number three. Close behind them, Gus tells Kris and Jon, "We followed you, so go ahead." Kris and Jon are team number four. Jon invites Gus and Hera to join them on the mat; they're team number five. They totally could have stayed for a beer. Kris triggers the high-yield explosive device strapped to her abdomen.

Hornio jumps on the mat and waits through Phil's dramatic pause. They seem sort of prepared to be eliminated, but they're still in such a good mood that it probably wouldn't bother them much right now. They get the news that they're team number six and they high-five. Disliking them less at the moment.

Dueling Mercedes. Bolo wants to stop at a convenience store and double-check their directions, and they do just that. MJ coos to Don, "Do you dare go any faster? I love it when you drive like a madman." Lori drives! Don drives! Bolo passenges! MJ passenges! A camera careens toward the mat at ground level, and -- Lori and Bolo, you are team number seven. "I don't know how, because we walked ten miles," Lori kvetches. She's smiling a little, though. I can't tell if she's pretending to be more mad or less mad than she actually is.

Don and MJ come up to the mat holding hands and smile as they get Philiminated. Without missing a beat, Don sincerely says, "Thank you for having us!" Which I love. It's like they didn't lose; they just came to the end of a great experience. After all, more than ninety per cent of the teams that go on this show aren't going to win, so it's best to have a good attitude about it. MJ and Don interview about how much they love each other, and even though they couldn't really pull their shit together this week, I can't blame them.

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Amazing Race

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