Amazing Race
Race To The Finish, Part II

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End of the line

Frank and Margarita, running up the straightaway. Don't misunderstand this -- they think they won. Actually, they're sure they won, even now. This just hurts. "I can't believe it," she says to him as they run. She voices over about how they came around the bend and heard the contestants cheering -- because indeed, everyone is cheering again. You can even see Margarita look over her shoulder to see if Esquire is back there. Umm, Margarita? Esquire's not back there. Sniff. Phil is waving them in, but they just don't see the boys, who are in plain sight on the mat next to Phil. I know they don't see them because Margarita talked about it on The Early Show. They didn't see them until they were up on the mat. It's edited to look like she saw them while they were running, but she didn't. (Is it wrong of me that I'm sitting here thinking...man, Brennan's got the Hating-Hat on! How can they not see the Hating-Hat?) A beaming Frank and Margarita come up to the podium, and as they slap hands with the waiting contestants? They still think they've won. Margarita stops to throw herself into Margaretta's arms, while Frank climbs up on the mat -- and there, he sees the boys. You can see him turn and say something to Margarita. And then she's there, and she gets it, and she hugs Brennan, and she hugs Rob.

Best! Edit! EVER! We are now in The City Of Utter Irrelevance, in The Great State Of Denial. Smash cut to frozen tundra. Snow-covered mountains. Whistling wind. Barking dogs. Weeping-thumping music. Teeeeeeeam Guido! They're waiting to take off in their dogsled, and they open a piece of route information. Bill reads it out loud: "Rob and Brennan have crossed the finish line." They look stricken, and then they try smiling. It doesn't work terribly well. "Congratulations," Bill says. He's sad, of course, but he's trying. He also declares himself "happy they won," and I think that compared to Frank and Margarita, it might be true.

Bill expounds on his relationship with Joe and how it was "enhanced" by the race. "It proved that everything we knew about each other was true." Oh, really? How frightening. (I kid the Guidos. Now that I know they didn't win? They hardly bother me at all. They did make excellent antagonists.) "It enhanced everything about our relationship," he says. Mm hmm. Fine. They ride the dogsleds on an anti-victory lap. Snowmobile Boy and I had actually discussed this -- whether, if you're told that you lost and you're in the middle of Alaska, they just drive off in their production trucks and leave you there. "Bye! Thanks for being on our show!" It appears not. I wonder if they still had to jump in the ice water in their undies before Jerry Bruckheimer would take them home.

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Amazing Race

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