Amazing Race
Race To The Finish, Part II

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End of the line

Woof woof! Cut to many dogs. At the lodge where the lead (or "relevant") teams are, there are a bunch of dogsleds lined up outside. Margarita grabs a clue, then Brennan. (No, no, Brennan grabs a clue, not Margarita grabs Brennan. But wouldn't that just complicate my favorite imaginary storyline! Fight! Fight! Fight!) Basically, the idea here is that the teams choose either a snowmobile or a dogsled. The snowmobile is faster, but they have to go just under three times as far. Snowmobile Boy, incidentally, tells me that if any of them knew how to operate a snowmobile, it would have been obviously advantageous to do that, because they go much more than three times as fast as these dogsleds, so that would have been the way to go. (That may, of course, assume that Snowmobile Boy is the one driving -- every time he and his friends go off on one of their jaunts, I give him a penny, and he gives me hundred-to-one odds that he'll return alive. That way, if he splats himself into a tree, he'll be dead, but I'll have a dollar. His lovely wife, sympathetic to my position, has already agreed to pay me in the event of his demise.) Phil voices over that there are directions available for both pieces of equipment, and I have to say that while I would have liked to see somebody try it, I'm not sure snowmobile operation is something one should learn on the fly.

At any rate, the snowmobile or dogsled takes you to a 4x4 vehicle that you drive to Fish Lake. (Note the Fish Lake sign that, as many on the forums have noted, is riddled with bullet holes. Methinks the area suffers from a lack of recreational weekend activities.)

Danza chooses the dogs, and so does Esquire. (Rob: "Let's do the dogs, dude.") Everybody packs up their sleds and takes off, with Frank in the lead. It seems to be a single-file trail, at least at first. The music goes BOMP-BOMP, DOMP-DOMP as the teams fly (well, not really...they sort of lazily glide) down the trail. The dogs bark. Rob explains that he's being slowed down by the fact that he's stuck behind Frank and Margarita, who have slow dogs or aren't driving them right, and thus Rob is riding the brake. No, really, the brake. On the dogs. Did you know dogs had brakes? Yeah, me neither. He compares the whole thing to a Chinese fire drill. Hee! I don't actually find it a particularly apt comparison, nor a very culturally sensitive expression, but Chinese fire drills as an actual activity? Are funny. Rob speculates that if he'd managed to get out ahead of Danza, they could be fifteen minutes ahead by now. Can I just emphasize how incredibly butt-ugly the white shoes everyone is wearing really are? I'm not sure whether they're generic winter shoes or whether they were especially for the snowshoes, but man, they are seriously hideous. Anyway, Margarita explains that Solidly Constructed Frank is just "a little too heavy for the dogs," so the dogs are overworked, which is why they're so slow. Margarita's dogs, on the other hand, want to pass, which Loud Pushy Frank stops them from doing by yelling. (Doesn't he accomplish everything by yelling?) "Put on the BRAAAAAKES! Put the BRAAAAAKES on!" yells Loud Pushy Frank.

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Amazing Race

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