Amazing Race
Sleep Deprivation Is Really Starting To Irritate Me

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The many fish of Italy

Finally, the theater opens, and the entire Choad Family dashes onto the grounds. They run around sort of flapping everything, loud and yelling as ever (Hey, why not act like you own the fucking planet, really?), through the grounds of the theater to a clue box that instructs them to count the heads on top of the fenceposts that surround the grounds. When they've done that, they can report the number to the groundskeeper, who will give them a clue. Now, you'd think that maybe, if you were going to assign this task, it would be a bit difficult -- you know, there would be a variety of fences or something. In this case, however, it's just one round fence, so you just have to run around in a circle, counting. That's the "task." It's no wonder these two teams are doing so well, for fuck's sake. They haven't been asked to do anything remotely challenging since I can't even remember when. They're basically just touring Italy right now, and the inability of other teams to catch them seems to be more a law of physics than a testament to their strength as a team. The Choad Family runs off to go counting. They bound up and jog around in a big circle, counting the heads on the fence, of which there are 41. They try, of course, to distract each other by hollering out random numbers. It doesn't work, which is what makes it really exciting and definitely something we need to spend a lot of time looking at. Both teams get the count right on the first try.

When these two teams go to the groundskeeper and report their totals, they get a new clue, which turns out to be a Detour. Choice between two tasks! Pros and cons! Stay away from vehicle assembly if you don't know what a spark plug is! Here, the choice is between Big Fish and Little Fish, which makes it sound to me like it's going to be some kind of whale-on-carp smackdown, but apparently, fish-related violence isn't as cool to other people as it is to me. Anyway, in Big Fish, you go on foot to a street vendor, and each of you carries a 32-pound swordfish one third of a mile to a market, where you find a fish vendor, to whom you give your fish in exchange for your clue. In Little Fish, you go right to the market, you take over a stall, and you sell four kilograms of fish.

Eric and Jeremy and BJ and Tyler both select Big Fish. Surprisingly, at least on the air, neither Eric nor Jeremy makes any tasteless girl/fish jokes, which you know are out there, and which you know they wanted to mention. The show probably left that stuff out on the assumption that while devotion to a show is a good thing, devotion to it to the point where you, as a viewer, can sort of imagine what it would be like to hit a particular individual in the head with, say, a day-old peasant bread is probably not. Tyler comments that it's hard to sell fish in the morning, which is bullshit, because you exactly buy fish in the morning, nitwit, unless you're curious about what they taste like after they turn really ripe. They all run for the swordfish.

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Amazing Race

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