Amazing Race
Sorry, Guys, I'm Not Happy To See You

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Ta-Pie In The Face

Nick and Don are stuck at red lights. Nate and Jen are in traffic. And Jen is the first one to see the monument and identify it as such. Don says their driver is telling them it's right here. "Right here?" Nate asks. "Right here?" Jen adds. "Right here?" Don asks. (Nicely edited. Nice.)

Cabs pull up. Such tension. There is POV running up to the mat. And...HOLY CRAP, IT'S NICK AND DON! "Nick and Don," says Phil, and before he can even say it, Nick is grinning and has his three fingers held up. He knows; I'm not sure how. "You are team number three," Phil says. Ten up top! Don hugs Nick around the waist, which looks hilarious, because seriously -- the kid has a foot on him. Don interviews that all they wanted at first was not to look like "schmucks" by being the first team eliminated. And now, they are in the final three. My favorite team! My favorite team I was sure was cannon fodder! This never happens to me. I'd like to thank all the other eliminated teams for really sucking. The fact that these guys get to cross the finish line, I think it's amazing.

"Oh my [gosh], this could be it," Jen despairs as they run to the pit stop mat. Hey, welcome, Nate and Jen! You are the last team to arrive. Wah-waaaah! Phil is sorry to tell you that you have both been eliminated from the race. "Oh, fudge," says Nate. "Wow, that sucks," he continues. So..."sucks" is okay? My mom would beg to differ. She hates "sucks." Nate goes on about how much they wanted to win, and Jen says they've learned a lot about their relationship. Jen interviews that she's not sure what she and Nate are going to do. Presumably she's talking about the way they found out on this race that they don't like each other, which is a hard conclusion to avoid when you spend this much time saying things like, "I can't stand you." They have a discussion away from the mat, in which she says she thinks they "killed [their] relationship" during the race, because they didn't pay attention to it. Unfortunately, the rest of the world? Paid attention to it. And then Nate cries. Kind of a lot. And then she jumps up with her legs wrapped around him. Which is oddly endearing, but seriously...break up, you guys. I think you suck much more together than apart, and you can both do better for yourselves. Vaya con dios, little schneikies. ["...HA HA HA!" -- Sars]

Executive Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer.

Next week: Ice wall! Which I have heard is incredibly difficult! Running! Taxis! Who! Will! Win? I'll see you there, y'all. Please don't write on my face with a Sharpie.

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Amazing Race

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