Amazing Race
Such A Nice Pheromone Smell To You; Just Makes Me Want To Stay Close to You

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
"Drive to the pit stop," my foot

David and Jeff are still en route to the FF. Dave explains that the Fast Forward is "do or die," because if they were to get all the way out to it and not finish it for some reason, they'd wind up having to go all the way back into town to return to the route.

Building rappel. Chip and Jon sit on the edge of the balcony, all helmeted and carabiner-ed up, waiting to take the plunge and Spider-Man it down the side of the building face-first. As she checks out how high they actually are, Kelly admits that she's "a little scared." The music swells, and then Chip and Jon tip over the edge of the balcony and start their descent. Basically, it's not terrifically hard to do skill-wise, and it seems like it's actually easier the faster you go. When you're a good part of the way down, however, you run into a break in the wall where you can't walk down, but have to lower yourself for a bit just dangling from the rope. Chip finishes just slightly ahead of Jon, primarily as a result of doing a better job navigating that oddball spot along the wall. Chip walks over toward Jon with his arms raised in victory. "He was watching the gay man, and he learned from the gay man!" Hee. He then interviews that he thinks it just killed Jon to lose to him because he's gay. I think it did kill Jon, but more because Jon cannot abide losing to anyone than because Chip is gay. My impression is that the main reason why BuffJon cares a whit about them being gay is that they're very easily riled about it, as evidenced by Reichen's introductory comment so long ago about how he was doing the race to get revenge on all the people who didn't like him because he was gay, how they worried so much about whether David and Jeff wouldn't like them anymore when they found out, blah dee blah. Whatever else there is to say about him, BuffJon is a reasonably smart guy who unfortunately uses his intelligence in part to be a skilled button-pusher, and I think that constitutes pretty much his sole interest in the Chipsters' sexuality. Not nice at all, obviously, but different than it would look to me without any context.

Kelly and Reichen prepare to go next. "I'm a little nervous," she says at the top.

Now we cut to the beach, where David and Jeff are getting out of their cab at last and preparing to start the Fast Forward. Running along the beach, they seem to take a wrong turn (heh), but then they get pointed toward the flag and eventually get to it. The guy running the task points out a swimmer floundering in the water (don't get me started -- I did this once with my mother, and "floundering" and "foundering" are both allowed) and tells them that they have to paddle out, rescue her, slap her onto a board, and paddle her back in. They each have a board, and they grab them and run into the surf. They start to paddle, and to no one's surprise, they start in with, "Where? Where?" It would have been awesome if they had rescued the wrong person. Some poor guy out in the water, going, "Get the hell off of me, you crazy bastards!" And they'd be trying to slap him on the board, muttering, "This guy is very good at his role!" Ah, sometimes it's the road not taken that makes you sigh in regret.

Anyway, they paddle and paddle, braving some significant waves along the way. Jeff voices over that just dealing with the waves was no picnic. David then explains, "I got out there, jumped off the board, put my arm around her chest, basically, and then was like, 'All what?'" He gives this quite an endearing little chuckle. He laughs and explains that he tried to just kind of shove her onto the board, but it didn't work, as we see. He manages to overturn his board instead. Jeff paddles up at this point, seated astraddle his board, yelling the entire time for David not to let go of the girl. Which is fine, but...that's not really the problem. She's not going to swim off anywhere. Besides, Jeff is yelling at the top of his lungs like he's screaming across the Grand Canyon, but David and the girl are basically right there. It's all very dramatic. Jeff rather pointlessly explains in a voice-over that not only were they trying to finish the task, but they were trying to do it as quickly as possible. I certainly understand how he would find that little wrinkle highly newsworthy, considering that you have to read fully three words into the show's title to figure out that aspect of the competition. Just as they almost have the girl up on Jeff's board, they manage to swamp the whole arrangement and dump Jeff and the poor drowning victim into the drink again. Sigh. I think she's going to be dead several times by the time this is over.

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Amazing Race




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