MONDO EXTRAS

Fifteen

One of the things that happens as this party gets bigger and bigger is that I meet a smaller and smaller percentage of the people who are there. I actually manage to miss Reichen completely, although I do see him from a distance once or twice, and he looks very nice. I meet Chip for, again, about four seconds. The main thing I am able to take in -- because it is pointed out to me by someone, though I don't remember who -- is that his chest hair ends in a perfectly neat curve at the precise edge of his neck. As I will say later, it is so precise that it looks like the entire thing was done with tweezers. Or maybe like it was worked on by a highly-paid topiary gardener. You wouldn't think that kind of thing would be highly noticeable, but it is. I give him my customary winner-greeting of, "You won!" to which he says, "We won!" He's better-looking in person, too -- his head doesn't look as boxy as it did on TV. That's pretty much my entire Chipster story, unfortunately. I should have asked for some money, maybe.

Sixteen

At some point, somebody taps me on the shoulder. "Do you see that white-haired guy over there in the white shirt?" I nod. "That's Bert," they say.

"Bert Bert? Executive Producer Bert?"

"Yep."

I make a note that I will have to go over and say hi at some point. Despite my note-making, this never actually happens. How is that possible? Damn.

Now, what makes this story funny is that after I later complain in the finale recap that I didn't met Bert at the party, I receive an email that basically says the following: "Yes, you did. I was standing right there. We were over by the bar, and he thanked you for all the support, and you complimented the show...it was really nice. You did talk to him." Of course, this strikes fear directly into my heart, because although I know I had a few Coronas, I am not having memory problems. How is this possible? So, I write back an email that says basically this: "Is it possible that you're thinking of my conversation with Elise [Bert's wife and also a producer]? Because I did talk to her. And we were over by the bar. And that's basically the conversation that she and I had." The reply comes back: "You know what? I think you're right. Never mind."