Amazing Race

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That Is Studly

But before we get to that, let me tell you about the significance that the word "boots" holds in our house. When M. Edium used to watch Dora the Explorer, Trash and I used to marvel at the apparent crippling mental disability of her talking monkey sidekick, Boots. Eventually the word "Boots" became a euphemism for much ruder words like "idiot" and "moron." But more on that later.

Dallas and Toni opt for Boots. They are led past a military band into a barracks tent lined with cots. On each cot waits a folded Russian uniform complete with a nametag. As they change, Toni and Dallas figure they're in the lead, since all the other uniforms are untouched. Run your own race, you two. As they step back outside the tent, a few soldiers are wrapping their feet as a demonstration, and Toni impatiently instructs Dallas to watch so he can do it right. Apparently it's a little tricky. I'm really not sure what the Russians have against socks in the first place. Maybe it dates back to World War II, when they also didn't have boots.

"Do you have someone you can call to translate for me into English?" Nick and Starr's driver says to them in subtitled Russian. "I don't know what you're saying," Nick shrugs. So that would be a no, then. Too bad he can't call Sarah. "Can't underSTAND you," Starr whines, sounding on the verge of a stroke. Nick tells her to relax. The driver gets out and comes back in, and Starr asks him if he knows where they're going now. The answer is "Nyet." Nick voices the familiar hope that other teams are similarly screwed. That may work in the first half of the race, but when it's down to four teams, you can't count on other people's misfortune or incompetence. Normally.

Ken and Tina arrive at the army base, as Ken remarks that the Frat Boys are in the cab just ahead of them. He calls them the "bumblers." "They do good with the travel, but they struggle with the task," he clarifies. I do have to admit that Andrew and Dan are rock stars at sitting on planes and in cabs. As for their problems with tasks, we're about to see a new low in that department. They're in second place as they rip the clue, with Ken and Tina jogging up behind them. Andrew wants to do Boots. "I have six years of marching band experience," he interviews proudly. Of course he does. Ken and Tina go for the same option, and both teams are surprised to see Toni and Dallas already outside the tent, in uniform and getting ready to put their boots on.

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Amazing Race

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