Previously on Bunch-a Bunch-a Burnin' Nuts: Kelly and BuffJon got rung up at the opening bell and desperately dashed for the Fast Forward. The Chipsters, however, cut them off at the primates and nabbed it before they could get there. A tricky Detour involving what appeared to be props from the movie Revenge of the Atomic Pineapples proved challenging for the clowns, flummoxed Team Who, and constituted the last straw for an utterly exhausted Chuck and Millie, who had apparently squandered all their pit stop time on eating and mingling. Well, eating, mostly. While Kelly and BuffJon struggled to avoid winding up in last place, Millie and Chuck struggled to avoid winding up in the entirely wrong place. Like Antarctica. Finally, as has been written in the stars since Dodger Stadium and "Millie Mole" and "she's so catty" and so forth, it came down to a desperate dash for the pit stop between Kelly and Jon and Millie and Chuck, featuring a Jon/Chuck showdown for World's Fastest Ladder-Climber, followed by a Millie/Kelly showdown for World's Most Forcefully Shrewish Back Seat Driver. Kelly and BuffJon narrowly emerged victorious, while Millie and Chuck sucked it up and landed a one-way ticket to Sequesterville, where they will engage in nonstop red-hot coma-like sleep until it's time to head for the finish line. "Who will be eliminated..." Ann Coulter's next book, How Richard M. Nixon Rescued The Puppies Of The Inner City, is published. "…next?"
Credits. This Week's Fun Fact You Can Learn By Zaprudering The Credits With The Assistance Of TiVo: Debra and IndianaSteve's dog and Josh and DadSteve's dog share a fundamental yearning to be free, and may be conspiring to engineer an escape. [BOMP.]
Commercials. When you start to see little yellow figures rising up out of the dishwashing soap, it's time to switch back to Lipton and stop drinking that tea you got from the lady who does your nails. No matter how many times she tells you it will improve your sex life, it's really not worth it.
Monkeys, monkeys, monkeys! Yes, we're back at Malaysia's Sepilok Nature Resort, where one monkey is clearly self-conscious about the fact that his naked butt is on camera while he's in the highly unflattering process of climbing stairs, and another monkey is apparently considering swallowing the camera guy in one bite. Phil calls Borneo a "mysterious island of lush rainforests and exotic wildlife," while yet another monkey walks along a ledge like, "You bet your ass I'm exotic, little man. Not going to find me in Sheboygan." Phil, decked out in an inoffensive striped shirt that has a nice beachy feel to it, explains from the shores of the river that this resort was the ninth pit stop. This particular eat/sleep/mingle looks like it was quite pleasant, although everyone is beginning to have that skinny, haggard, haircut-needing look that generally shows up somewhere around the late part of Asia in every season. And you just know they're all pretty well steeped in the Late-Leg Putrid Stink. Phil wonders whether the Chipsters can maintain their lead, and whether the three XY-XY teams will prove too much for little ol' XX Kelly and her burdensome uterus. Phil calls Kelly and Jon "the last co-ed team." I'm sorry, is "co-ed" really the term you're looking for? It makes me think there's going to be a cotillion where gobs of nineteen-year-old guys get drunk on Olympia and throw up on their tuxes while their dates smoke and exchange birth control advice.
10:26 PM. Chipsters. Man, does Reichen ever get out of those yellow shorts? I feel like I've seen more of those shorts than any article of clothing since The Hat. They rip and read, and the clue tells them to get to what Phil explains is "the largest Buddhist temple in Malaysian Borneo." There, they will find lots of Buddha figurines on a rotating stand that looks like a supersize earring display carousel at Target, and they'll need to find the one with their names on it. Behind that figurine, they'll find a key to a rattan bag, and in the bag will be their next clue. It's not tricky, exactly, but at least it's not a pure "go here, nitwit" kind of clue. With the secret purse and everything, it's kind of like a scavenger hunt at the Golden Path Senior Center. Really, though, the best thing about that sequence is having multiple opportunities to hear Phil pronounce "Buddha," a word to which he gives a particular Kiwi-esque punch, using a very "pudding"-like "ud" in the middle. As the Chipsters leave the mat, Reichen voices over that the race is really on now, so they have to "watch every little thing [they] do." "If there's one mistake made," he continues, "it's all over." I think we can rest assured that isn't true, or none of these teams would make it across the street, let alone all the way back to the United States. They get in their taxi (helpfully labeled "Teksi"), and it appears that the driver knows how to find the temple.