Amazing Race
The Amazing Race Finale “Con” In New York City

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I had this dream where I hugged Loud Pushy Frank

"Rob dimly points out that 'life is a game of minutes.' Oh, go sew a mother-of-pearl button on your fly, Mr. Dramatic-Flairy-Pants. I admit that you're hot, but you're not too bright, so smile pretty and don't talk a lot."

This is actually the insult directed at Rob for which I have the most personal affection, because when we first met, he brought this one up as his personal favorite. He claimed to have found it very funny, and although I don't think I believed him at the time, I believe him now.

"Frank needs some French on a sign translated, so he yells for Margarita. 'Do you need me?' she calls back from off-camera where, in my imagination, she's making out with Rob. 'I just need your brain, I don't need your emotions,' he responds, completely gratuitously. As she straightens her clothes and wipes the attorney smell off her face, she protests with a chuckle that in fact, she is a person and not a dinner menu, and that LPFrank can't expect to order up certain aspects of her personality a la carte."

I have no idea where this, my favorite imaginary storyline, even came from. It had something to do with the fact that Frank was over talking to Brennan and that left Rob somewhere talking to Margarita and they happened not to be on camera. That was all it took to get my imagination rolling, and all of a sudden it was The Secret Love Of Margarita And Rob. Rob was kind enough, at Dinnercon, to throw his arm around her and yell for me from quite a distance so that I could observe it in person. Nice of him, wasn't it?

"Team Guido comes running up and step (a bit more carefully than last time) on the yellow mat. 'Welcome,' intones the mayor. 'You are --' Joe breaks in. 'We're team number three!' 'You are team number four,' the mayor corrects. Joe's face crumples in this way that's just…entirely too funny for me to adequately describe. It's like he just got the telegram that Guido the dog has come down with heartworm."

For a dog that, based on size, could almost be a rat, I have to say Guido is totally adorable. And I couldn't have been more impressed to learn that he goes skiing.

"The boys work their way down the mountain, and voice-over that they called ahead the night before for a taxi. Said taxi arrives at the bottom of the hill, where Frank and Margarita -- just a few minutes ahead of Esquire -- attempt to steal it. When the taxi driver clarifies that he's responding to a reservation, Frank, who knows perfectly well that he has no reservation, tries to tell the cabbie it's him and Margarita who called for the cab. Fortunately, the taxi driver -- who gives better customer service than my bank -- actually checks ID, which means Rob and Brennan are able to make it down and claim their ride."

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Amazing Race

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