Previously on Ain't Gnome Mountain High Enough: Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen allowed Rob to psych them out, and they wound up so thoroughly psyched out that they entirely kicked his karma-stomped ass. You'll just have to take my word for it. Istanbul offered a strange and disturbing preoccupation with the Travelocity gnome, as well as a Detour that sent the teams to the scales of justice to find the nicest way to say to strangers, "Step right up, ma'am! No, no, the hefty lady!" A fortress-climbing Roadblock played to the strengths of people who were not Gretchen, but she still stayed ahead of the trailing Rob and Amber and Ron and Kelly. Ron and Kelly finished last, and they were robbed of all their stuff, but they retained their position, because the leg was non-elimination. They won the Travelocity Loot Haul at the same time, meaning that happily, they can continue bitching at each other at sites around the world for years to come. Who will be eliminated…next?

Credits. Look, it's the Travelocity sunset! And the Travelocity glacier! And the Travelocity monkey! [TRAVELOCITOMP.]

Commercials. Things I didn't know: (1) The Blade Trinity is available on DVD. (2) There is a Blade Trinity.

We return to Istanbul, Turkey, which Phil reminds us lies on the border of Europe and Asia. And outside Istanbul, we are at the pit stop, at a 550-year-old fortress where Phil has found himself some decent clothes. He reminds us about the non-elimination as we look at Ron and Kelly and wonder whether Ron gets to keep the harness as part of the "clothes on his back." Hey, beauty queens get as kinky as anyone else, and don't let them tell you different. What do you think all that fire-baton shit is about? Anyway, Phil wonders aloud whether the loss of their money and possessions will do in Ron and Kelly, given that they didn't seem to have that far to fall anyway, and whether the Underestimated Alliance of Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen will hold onto its newfound lead. Well, it will if Rob doesn't shut his yap.

10:53 PM. Uchenna and Joyce. They excitedly (as usual) rip open their clue to find that it sends them ten miles to the Sirkeci Train Station, where they will find a room full of dervishes. Phil explains that these are the "whirling dervishes" with which you may be familiar in a figurative sense, who in a literal sense are a religious sect that performs a ritual in which its members spin to show devotion. In the room of dervishes, you'll find your next clue. Joyce also rattles off that the teams who are getting money will have $477 for the leg. Pretty hefty -- plenty enough to buy all the magazines with your own pictures on them! (Where applicable.) Uchenna hollers for a taxi, which shows up immediately (heh), and they hop in and ask for the train station. Joyce voices over that in their regular lives, they have a tendency to go in different directions (you'll have to take their word for it), so the race has brought them together. They show up at the train station, and when they find what they believe to be the right room, they're escorted inside.

In the dervish room, there are indeed five people spinning in a large, otherwise basically empty space. They wear white robes with full…well, "skirts"…that billow out as the dervishes spin. The posture involves the head tipped to one side, the arms held out, and the remarkable ability to spin in one spot without gradually working your way across the floor like an unbalanced washing machine. Uchenna declares it "beautiful," which…I don't know if I'd call it "beautiful." I'd certainly call it "interesting." The expressionless faces, however, make me a little uneasy. The clue box just inside the door of the room beckons, and when Uchenna and Joyce read the clue, it instructs them to fly to London. Phil explains that this is about 2000 miles, but doesn't mention what's really noteworthy about it, which is that this is apparently the first time the teams will not actually continue east all the way around the world, but will double back, doing more like a north-south tour. I understand normal people don't care, but obsessive race-trivia freaks such as myself? We care a great deal. The clue instructs them, once they get to London, to find the crosswalk made famous on a Beatles album cover. They'll have to figure out that they need Abbey Road, and then that's where the next clue is. They take one more look at the dervishes and leave. In the cab, Uchenna comes up with Abbey Road, and Joyce thinks that sounds right.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16Next